Zombie Bums from Uranus Read Online Free PDF Page A

and made an incision.
    â€˜That’s one small cut for a bum . . .’ he announced. ‘One giant cut for—’
    â€˜Just get on with it!’ said Judi, impatient for the dissection to be over so they could start for home. They’d been away too much lately, and she wasgrowing tired of it. Under the pretext of playing in the wind section of a symphony orchestra, they completed three or four secret bum-fighting E-missions each year. But she missed her little boy. He wasn’t even that little anymore. He was twelve, and growing up fast. Although their work was vital to the security of the world, she was worried about him. Twelve was a difficult age. She wanted to be there for him in case his bum ran away like hers and James’s had when they were the same age. She wouldn’t have worried quite so much if her son had inherited a little of their bum-fighting talent, but he’d failed the entrance exam for the Junior Bum-fighters’ League three times. Whatever his talents were, she figured, they obviously didn’t include bum-fighting.
    â€˜That’s strange,’ said James, frowning. ‘I’ve never seen a bum do that before.’
    â€˜Do what?’ said Judi, leaning forward.
    â€˜Look,’ said James, making another incision in the strange blue bum. ‘You can’t see where I just cut.’
    James Freeman put his scalpel down, wiped his brow and shook his head.
    The flesh on the bum appeared to have repaired itself instantly.
    â€˜Let me try,’ said Judi, ‘after all, I did get a B plus for bum dissection at the Bum-fighting Academy.’
    James made a face. ‘Okay, hot shot,’ he said, handing her the scalpel.
    Judi ran the scalpel expertly down the length of the crack and around the bum, neatly severing it in two with a quick flick of her wrist.
    â€˜Nice one,’ said James, nodding approvingly andprodding one of the halves with his finger. He had to resist an urge to pick it up and throw it, just like he had done with the pieces of jellyfish all those years ago on the beach.
    But as Judi and James studied the two halves, their eyes grew wide.
    Judi grabbed James’s sleeve.
    â€˜Look!’ she said.
    â€˜Wow!’ said James.
    Right in front of their eyes, the two cheeks slid towards each other and formed back into one bum.
    â€˜I thought you said it was dead,’ said Judi.
    â€˜It is!’ said James, picking up the scalpel again. ‘But its flesh still retains the power to repair itself. Do you realise the possible applications of flesh like this for bum-fighters? You could be blown apart by an atomic bum and then just put yourself back together again!’
    Judi shuddered, reaching out to stop James from cutting into the bum again. ‘No,’ she said in a low voice.
    James looked at her, suddenly realising how worried she was.
    â€˜James,’ she said quietly, ‘it’s not safe.’
    â€˜How can it not be safe?’ said James.
    â€˜I don’t know,’ said Judi. ‘But it’s too weird. I say we get rid of it. It’s too dangerous. We don’t even know if it’s dead.’
    â€˜Of course it’s dead,’ said James. ‘There’s no pulse, there’s no electrical signals . . .’
    â€˜It may not be alive,’ said Judi, picking up the bum and carrying it over to the emergency expulsion chute, ‘but it’s certainly not dead.’
    â€˜But don’t you see?’ said James, moving around the table to try to grab the bum from her. ‘Together, we can make history!’
    â€˜Yes, but at what price?’ said Judi. ‘We’re just regular bum-fighters. This is way out of our league! Let E-Mission Control send a specialist team up here.’
    Judi was about to press the button on the chute when her attention was caught by a fiery object—a long way from the bum-mobile—passing through the innermost ring