Zombie Bums from Uranus Read Online Free PDF Page B

screaming, she told herself, it was the bum.
    Then, as James’s cries reached a crescendo, she ripped the parasitic bum from his body. It flew up into the air and splattered against the roof.
    Judi slumped against the wall of the bum-mobile, exhausted. She sighed. At least it was over.
    But any relief she felt was short-lived. As she watched, the pieces of bum-blubber slid silently across the floor towards each other, and within seconds had reformed into a new bum.
    A bum that appeared to be very much alive.
    James was silent.
    Judi kicked him.
    â€˜Wake up, James!’ she said. ‘Please!’
    Before Judi could do anything, the zombie bum flew across the cabin at her.
    Judi stepped out of the way, but the bum hit the wall behind her and bounced off it.
    Judi tried to whack the bum with the plunger, but it was too quick. ‘James!’ she screamed as the zombie bum latched onto her bum. ‘Help me!’
    James was still lying on the floor. He groaned and looked up. ‘Judi?’ he said.
    Immediately Judi felt an enormous surge of hunger. She was more hungry than she’d ever been before. She was mad with hunger. She could have eaten anything. Even, she realised with horror as she lost consciousness, even James . . .
    Judi, now completely zombie-bummified, reached out for her husband.
    James grabbed her. ‘Hold on!’ he yelled, hitting the bum-mobile hatch door release. Normally to do such a thing, while the bum-mobile was still in space, would have been suicidal. He remembered well the lecture on the dangers of space that Silas Sterne had given at the Bum-fighting Academy all those years ago: ‘Exposed to the vacuum of space, your body fluids would quickly boil. Bubbles would form in your blood vessels and body tissues, causing them to rupture. All the gases inside your body would expand. You would become unconscious in about fifteen seconds. You would have permanent brain damage in about four minutes. That’s if your skin wasn’t punctured by small, high-speed particles travelling through space. Or you weren’t instantly snap-frozen in temperatures as low as minus 100 degrees, or turned into galactic fried human in temperatures as high as 120 degrees in the full glare of the sun.’
    But as suicidal as such an action might have been under normal circumstances, these were definitely not normal circumstances. In all their training, not one of their instructors had ever mentioned zombie bums from Uranus, let alone given the students any information or clues about how to fight them.
    Luckily James was a fast learner. He gripped the handle of the hatch with one hand, and held on to Judi with the other.
    A roaring sound filled the cabin as all the air in the bum-mobile was sucked out by the powerful vacuum created by the sudden depressurisation.
    It sucked everything that wasn’t tied down out of the bum-mobile. Including Judi. She was half out of the ship. James could feel his grip slipping. And worse, he could feel his temperature rising. It was becoming extremely difficult to think. All he knew was that he had to hold on . . . had to hold on until the bum was sucked off Judi’s body.
    Finally, just as James was about to lose consciousness, he saw the bum fly out of a hole in the back of Judi’s spacesuit and off into space. He wrenched her back into the ship and pushed the button to secure the hatch door.
    As the air rushed back into the cabin, both James and Judi breathed huge sighs of relief, not to mention life-restoring doses of oxygen.
    â€˜I guess I owe you an apology,’ said James, when he’d recovered enough to speak.
    â€˜Don’t be stupid,’ said Judi. ‘You saved my life.’
    â€˜You saved mine first,’ he reminded her.
    Judi shrugged. ‘We’re a team, remember?’ She stood up and pressed her face against the porthole. ‘Uh-oh.’
    James stood up slowly. ‘What is it?’ he