Zombie Bums from Uranus Read Online Free PDF

of Uranus and heading straight for the planet’s surface.
    â€˜What in the univarse is that?’ said Judi.
    â€˜Looks like a comet,’ said James, pressing his nose against the glass.
    â€˜A comet?’ Judi said. ‘Out here?’
    â€˜I don’t know,’ said James. ‘Whatever it is, though . . . it’s on fire . . . and Uranus is full of methane!’
    â€˜So is yours,’ said Judi, ‘but I don’t go on about it.’
    James ignored her. ‘Uranus is about to explode!’ he shouted.
    â€˜How dare you!’ said Judi, raising her hand to slap his cheek.
    â€˜I mean the planet!’ said James as he grabbed her hand and pulled her to the floor of the bum-mobile.
    For a moment there was complete silence.
    Then a massive explosion rocked the ship.
    Had they been looking out of the porthole instead of lying down with their faces pressed to the floor, they would have seen a rare and extraordinary sight.
    The explosion of a planet.
    But while they might not have seen it, they certainly felt it and smelt it.
    A blast of intense light, heat and stench rocked their spacecraft.
    As Judi flattened herself against the floor of the bum-mobile, her only thought was for their son Zack, and how sad it was that she would never see him again.
    She closed her eyes and waited to die.

    Judi Freeman’s nostrils burned. Her lungs burned. Her face and hands and whole body burned as the floor of the bum-mobile became a super-heated hotplate.
    She choked and coughed and cursed.
    But she didn’t die.
    She lay there for a few moments, trying to regain her senses, and then realised with a start that the bum wasn’t in her hands anymore.
    She stood up and looked around the bum-mobile. She turned to James, who was climbing unsteadily to his feet.
    â€˜James!’ she said. ‘The bum! It’s gone . . .’
    James, however, didn’t answer. He just stared at her, no expression whatsoever on his face.
    Judi walked over to him and shook his shoulders. ‘James?’ she said ‘Are you all right?’
    But James’s only response was to grab her arm.
    â€˜Stop kidding around, James, this is serious!’ said Judi, pulling her arm away from him.
    But James didn’t stop. He grabbed her arm again and pulled it towards his mouth. Judi frantically searched behind her for a weapon. Her hands closedon a toilet plunger. Not ideal, but it would have to do. She raised it high in the air.
    â€˜If you’re kidding you’d better stop now!’ she yelled. ‘Or I’ll hit you!’
    James sank his teeth into her arm.
    â€˜Sorry, darling,’ said Judi as she brought the plunger down hard on James’s head, ‘but that’s definitely NOT funny!’
    James released her arm, toppled forwards and stumbled into the wall.
    Judi gasped.
    His bum was enormous. At least twice as big as normal. In a flash she grasped what had happened. Somehow—in all the confusion of the explosion—the Uranusian bum had managed to attach itself to James and was making him behave very strangely . . . like a . . . zombie! But how? she wondered. Despite its ability to repair itself, the bum had been dead. At least it had been dead before the explosion.
    James, on his knees, turned and grabbed her ankle. Judi lost her balance and crashed to the floor. James pulled her towards him, saliva dripping from his lips as he raised her ankle up to his mouth.
    Judi brought the plunger down on his head again.
    James dropped her leg.
    Judi jumped up, and while James was still facedown, planted the cup of the plunger in the middle of his oversized backside and with one foot in the middle of his back, began to push and pull the plunger with all her might.
    James contorted his face, writhed in agony and screamed.
    But Judi willed herself to ignore him. She’d fought bums for too long to fall for a trick like that.
    It wasn’t James