The Weight of Water Read Online Free PDF Page A

up.
     
    So –
               They aren’t cruel.
    They are The Pity Club,
    And I don’t know what’s worse:
    Pity or persecution.

Smokers’ Corner
     
    William leads me to a corner of the playground.
    I pat down my hair and flatten out my skirt
    Expecting to be kissed.
     
    But when we get there it’s crowded
    And smoky and William doesn’t kiss me.
    He doesn’t move any closer at all.
     
    Marie and Clair are there.
    They run their hands through their hair,
    Reminding me I’m missing something.
     
    William pulls a pack of cigarettes from
    His blazer pocket and holds it out to me.
    I’ve no choice with the girls gazing and grinning.
     
    When I inhale it’s like breathing in dirt,
    The kind Mama shakes out of the rug.
     
    William smiles, takes the cigarette from me,
    Inhales, swallows, licks his lips.
    Then he blows the smoke out through his nose
    Like a shaman, and I am bewitched.
     
    When I looked at William
    I saw a swimmer.
    Now I see a smoker.
               And it doesn’t matter.
     
    He talks easily to the girls
    Because he is older and that
    Means something.
     
    Before we leave, Clair,
    Watching me over his shoulder,
    Kisses him on the side of his mouth.
     
    I am speechless:
    I am so jealous I want to hurt William.
    Even though he didn’t do the kissing
    I want to pinch him. Or worse.
    I hug myself so I will not harm him
    And so I do not have to hold his hand
    As we walk back
    Across the playground.
     
    Then he says, ‘So, are we meeting tomorrow?’
    And I forgive him for the kiss.
     
    Because even if Clair wants him,
    I think
    He wants
    Me.

Oh, to be Musical
     
    I wish I knew how to play a complicated musical instrument,
    Like a clarinet maybe,
    Or a flute,
    So I’d have practice using my mouth
                               And fingers,
                               And taking long breaths,
                               All at once
    To create something
              Sweet.
     
    I have never kissed a boy,
    And even though
    I’ve seen it done
    Day after day
    On television
    And in films,
    So it shouldn’t be too difficult,
     
    Because the movements are natural
                               And smooth,
     
    I am not a naturally smooth person,
    So how will I know what to do
    When –
    If he leans in with his head slightly tilted?
     
    Should I tilt too?
    And my mouth.
    Should I open my mouth?
     
    And my tongue.
     
    Oh.
     
    It is too much to think about.
     
    It will be like playing a clarinet with no lessons;
    It will take me years to learn this –
    How to kiss.

Floating
     
    William is at the swimming pool.
    He is standing far away from me
    In the shallow end,
    Ripples sloshing his sides.
     
    And he is watching me
    As I cast aside my green towel
    And pour myself into the
    Safety of the water.
     
    We swim to the middle
    To meet each other,
    Then lie on our backs
    The water supporting our weight.
     
    Sometimes our wrinkled toes touch
    Accidentally.
    Sometimes on purpose.
    And for a moment I think it might be
    The happiest I’ve ever been
     
    Until Clair surfaces from the deep end,
    Like a serpent from a swamp,
    And wipes away my smile
    By smirking herself.
     

Rumours
     
    Clair sent a text message to Marie,
    And now Marie is
    forwarding it
    to everyone else in Year Eight.
    Except me,
    Because I don’t
    Have a phone.
     
    Arlene shows me the message:
    Guess what Cassie woz
    doin with Will at the
    swimming pool?!
    SLAG!!!
     
    Now I’m scared to talk to William,
    Or even look at him,
    In case they think
    It’s true.
     
    When I go into the cloakroom,
    All the girls from my class
    Stop talking and
    Stand with their
     
    Arms folded,
    Glaring.
     
    Clair is there,
    Of course.
               In the middle.
    And she is simply smiling.
     
    ‘Why won’t you talk to me?’
    William asks at lunch.
    He is frowning
    At the floor.
    I can’t answer.
    I am ashamed
    Of the rumours;
    I want them to stop.
     
    I want them to