The Act of Marriage: The Beauty of Sexual Love Read Online Free PDF Page A

himself, not for anything he does for her. I knew her dynamic, choleric husband well enough to perceive that he was not complicated enough to get suspicious; any surprise would give way to ecstasy. Later his wife reported that he not only lacked suspicion but, within five minutes after lovemaking, began to share a new business idea with her. Although that idea never materialized, it started him upward. He soon found his niche and today is enjoying a successful career.
    One instructive aspect of this case is the fact that her husband now credits his wife with helping him “bounce back.” He never refers to their lovemaking experience, of course, but says such things as “My wife is quite a gal! When I was down and out, she still had faith in me. It was her confidence that sparked my own.” Actually, before she ever came to me, she had verbalized her confidence in him many times by such expressions as “Don’t let it get you down; you can start over again.” But not until she made love to him did she communicate her confidence in terms that he could understand. Much later she offered a rather interesting comment to me: she could not remember her husband ever holding her so tightly during lovemaking. But that is not really difficult to understand. Men are just boys grown tall, and this man’s failure had shaken his manhood and accentuated the boy that lurks in the heart of every man. But love once again succeeded when all else failed.
    Some women will probably take exception to this use of lovemaking as another example of the “exploitation of sex.” We prefer to think of it as the expression of unselfish love. Because of her love for her husband, this wife created an atmosphere on the basis of her husband’s need, not his feelings—nor hers, for that matter. It is a beautiful fulfillment of the Bible’s description of love: “Each of you should look not only to your own interests [needs], but also to the interests [needs] of others” (Phil. 2:4).
    One woman told us, “No matter what our love life consists of, there is one time each month when I always try to get my husband to make love to me—the night after he has paid the family bills. It seems to be the only thing that gets him back to normal.” Her husband gets an F for failing to commit his problems to God and learning to rejoice by faith (1 Thess. 5:18), but she rates an A for being a wise and loving wife.
    These stories appear in stark contrast to what usually goes on when hubby’s ego is flattened by failure, debt, or problems. Most self-centered wives are so “shaken” by the sight of an insecure husband during a period of testing that they are ill-prepared to be a husband’s “helpmeet” during the time of his distress. Do not be deceived by that thin coating of tough masculinity most men wear; underneath are many emotional needs that only a loving wife can supply. The old Victorian nonsense that a “nice lady doesn’t act as if she enjoys sex” conflicts with a good husband’s need to know that his wife thoroughly enjoys his lovemaking. It seems that the Victorians did not distinguish between their premarital and their marital taboos. Naturally a good, wholesome Christian woman will not flaunt her enjoyment of sex; that is a personal matter. Far too many insecure women are tricked into thinking that they should look and act sexy in public. That is distorted sex appeal! A truly secure woman will convey her sex appeal and satisfaction only to her husband. It gives him great pleasure and, in fact, makes his own sexual pleasure much more satisfying when he is assured that it has been mutually enjoyed. A wise and considerate woman goes out of her way to let her man know that he is a good lover and that she enjoys their relations together. It is good for his ego and promotes honest communication between them. Only a false and insincere modesty would hide such vital knowledge from a partner. Genuine love flourishes in giving. That is why a devoted