Keep Calm and Kill Your Wife Read Online Free PDF Page A

still-full glass of orange juice.
    “No, no, wait, wait,” Hart said. “Before you do that, I wasn’t going to say anything, I wanted it to be a surprise, but I wanted to take you away for a little vacation.”
    “Really?”
    “Yeah, yeah, I think what you need—what we need, is just a little R and R. We just need to relax. You know that happened with my friend Chad at work. His wife just couldn’t get on the nest. He took her on vacation. Everyone got a little less tense and a month later she was pregnant.”
    Summer smiled. “Well, that sounds great. Yeah. Thank you, Hart.”
    “Absolutely, Honey. My pleasure. Now drink your orange juice. It’s good for you.”
    “You know I think I’ll make an appointment with my doctor anyway. I mean why not?” Summer said in between sips.
    “Of course, Honey. Absolutely.” Hart shrugged. “But, uh, you know, just wait until we get back. No rush. Let’s just relax and then we can take care of business. In the meantime let’s not have anything hanging over our heads, you know.”
    Summer reached over to hug Hart, who reciprocated.
    “I love you,” she said.
    “I love you, too.”
    “So, where are you taking me?”
    “Your grandma’s cabin.”
_______________
    “I don’t know, Hart. It just seems too soon. I mean you just got the life insurance.” Brandy replaced her cup of coffee and glared at him.
    The restaurant was an out-of-the-way slop joint that was several towns over from where either of them lived. Located in the outskirts of where Hart occasionally made deliveries, he had seen the little eatery many times but had never stopped there before.
    “It’s been six months,” said Hart.
    “That’s not a long time.”
    “Well what’d you want me to do? She wants to go see her doctor. Her O-P-G-Y-M.”
    “It’s O-B-G-Y-N , jackass.”
    “Yeah, well however you kids are spelling it these days, Summer wants to see him—”
    “ Her,” said Brandy, remembering a brief and uncomfortable encounter with Summer at a medical office a while back.
    “Him, her, it, whatever. Will you try to look at the big picture here? If she finds out she’s on the pill, she’s gonna get suspicious. Then what?”
    Brandy ran her fingers through her hair. “What do you see as the big picture, Hart?”
    Hart gestured with his hands, a bit annoyed. “Getting the money. Quitting my job and not getting caught.”
    “Anything else?”
    “Uh, living happily ever after? A white picket fence? Clearing up my hemorrhoids? I don’t know.”
    “What about being together?”
    Hart’s face lost a little color. “Of course. Who do you think the white picket fence is for?”
    “Anyway.” Brandy twirled her spoon around in her coffee. “Let’s get down to the details. If we do a good enough job, this whole insurance thing will be irrelevant. Now I think the woods are great. Like I’ve said, dumping a body there far off the beaten path is probably almost foolproof. People do get lost in the woods after all. And then the wolves’ll help us out and then the snow. And obviously you’ll report that she was lost in a whole different area, of course.”
    Hart’s face crinkled as he nodded half-heartedly.
    “What’s the matter?” Brandy asked.
    “I don’t know. It just seems so, I don’t know. It’s just lacking somehow. It’s too simple.”
    “Hey simple’s good. Don’t make it too complicated. That’s how people get caught.”
    “I don’t know. Let’s hear the rest of it.”
    “Well Hart, that’s basically it. The only thing left is how are you actually going to, you know—” Brandy looked around. “—do it.” She gestured with her eyebrows and tilted her head.
    Hart tightened his lips and sat quietly.
    A slightly amused, yet annoyed, grin appeared on Brandy’s face. “Wait a minute, don’t tell me, there’s not enough dramatic flair here for you.”
    “Look, look, it’s not just that. What do you want me to do when I’m in the woods? Stab my own wife?