Textastrophe: A Collection of Hilariously Catastrophic Text Pranks Read Online Free PDF Page A
Author: Matt Andrews
one …
ZOMBIE ALERT!!! You will for real scare the shit out of people if you’re wearing this. $50
u just took that first shitty costume and poured pasta all over it! looks like ur just pulling stuff out of the trash and putting it on clothes
I’m not gunna lie, Cheryl, that’s exactly what I’m doing.
That and stealing stuff from the lost and found.
thats what i thought. stop texting me u bunk ass janitor
The zombie costume comes with a free bottle of fake blood!
ok stop texting u dumb shit!
Is this the guy that rents out moon bounces?
Yes, how can I help you?
I’m interested in renting one over night for my kid’s Valentine’s Day party on Thursday, how much does it cost for a night?
We usually charge $75 per day, but if you need it over night it’s going to be $100
Ok, does one of your employees have to stay with the moon bounce, or can we get some privacy with it?
We simply drop the moon bounce off at the destination and set it up. After filling out the required paperwork, it will be in your hands.
We have a number you can call, if there are any problems.
So we get some privacy with it??
Yes. What is the address? If it is under 10 miles from our office, the delivery is free.
Oh hell yea Debbie! We’re getting the moon bounce for Valentine’s Day! Get ready, I’mma bang you in it, just like you’ve always dreamed!
Whoops, wrong text.
So, the bounce castle will be available for Thursday?
Not if your planning on using it for sex.
Huh? What are you talking about? I just wanna bounce around and have a good time.
Yea right buddy. I’m not a dumbass. You can bang Debbie all you want. But you aren’t banging her in one of my moon bounces.
Hi, is this the person that rents the margarita machines???
Hi!
Yes, this is Brenda.
ok good, how much??
???
$99 includes the mixer, 40 cups and straws and one mix of your choice! (:
Oh also the delivery is free!
fine fine, is the ice cream included or do I have to buy that?
Ice cream?
There is no ice cream.
ok doesn’t matter, how quick can you deliver it to me??
I can get it to you in the next couple of hours depending on your location.
Where do you need it delivered?
Can you just bring it to the Dairy Queen off 5th street?
I guess so?
Do you live near there or something?
Brenda, I’m not gonna try and sugar coat this.
I really screwed up this time.
I don’t understand.
I’m the assistant manager over at the Dairy Queen. I was trying to bring the blizzard machine home last night because I have a big date tonight and I wanted to impress this girl with some fancy kitchen appliances.
You know how women love kitchen gadgets.
OK?
Long story short, the blizzard machine fell down the stairs outside my apartment and now I’m just looking to put something in its place at the DQ until I can get this thing fixed.
If my boss finds out, I’m fired for sure.
I’m sorry. I don’t think I can help you. These machines only make margaritas.
Brenda, I’ve been working around frozen treats for almost 6 months now and I can tell you that a margarita maker will make a blizzard if you just throw ice cream and some reese’s pieces in it.
No it won’t.
And I’m sorry but we don’t rent them for that.
What the hell do you care what I use it for?
Why do I care?? This is my business and these are my margarita machines!
If you put ice cream and candy in them, it will ruin it.
Ok, tell you what, forget what I said earlier.
Tough luck, find somebody else.
I text her 30 minutes later from the same phone number …
Hello. I would like to rent a margarita machine for a Tropical themed birthday party for my Uncle Gary.
Are you joking?
No.
Stop texting me!
You got a lot of nerve trying to rent one again
You really fucked me and Uncle Gary over this time, Brenda.
How dumb do you think I am?
Hey, do you know if Party Time Margarita is hiring?
No!
Hi! Are you still looking for boat storage?
Yep, do you have anything
ZOMBIE ALERT!!! You will for real scare the shit out of people if you’re wearing this. $50
u just took that first shitty costume and poured pasta all over it! looks like ur just pulling stuff out of the trash and putting it on clothes
I’m not gunna lie, Cheryl, that’s exactly what I’m doing.
That and stealing stuff from the lost and found.
thats what i thought. stop texting me u bunk ass janitor
The zombie costume comes with a free bottle of fake blood!
ok stop texting u dumb shit!
Is this the guy that rents out moon bounces?
Yes, how can I help you?
I’m interested in renting one over night for my kid’s Valentine’s Day party on Thursday, how much does it cost for a night?
We usually charge $75 per day, but if you need it over night it’s going to be $100
Ok, does one of your employees have to stay with the moon bounce, or can we get some privacy with it?
We simply drop the moon bounce off at the destination and set it up. After filling out the required paperwork, it will be in your hands.
We have a number you can call, if there are any problems.
So we get some privacy with it??
Yes. What is the address? If it is under 10 miles from our office, the delivery is free.
Oh hell yea Debbie! We’re getting the moon bounce for Valentine’s Day! Get ready, I’mma bang you in it, just like you’ve always dreamed!
Whoops, wrong text.
So, the bounce castle will be available for Thursday?
Not if your planning on using it for sex.
Huh? What are you talking about? I just wanna bounce around and have a good time.
Yea right buddy. I’m not a dumbass. You can bang Debbie all you want. But you aren’t banging her in one of my moon bounces.
Hi, is this the person that rents the margarita machines???
Hi!
Yes, this is Brenda.
ok good, how much??
???
$99 includes the mixer, 40 cups and straws and one mix of your choice! (:
Oh also the delivery is free!
fine fine, is the ice cream included or do I have to buy that?
Ice cream?
There is no ice cream.
ok doesn’t matter, how quick can you deliver it to me??
I can get it to you in the next couple of hours depending on your location.
Where do you need it delivered?
Can you just bring it to the Dairy Queen off 5th street?
I guess so?
Do you live near there or something?
Brenda, I’m not gonna try and sugar coat this.
I really screwed up this time.
I don’t understand.
I’m the assistant manager over at the Dairy Queen. I was trying to bring the blizzard machine home last night because I have a big date tonight and I wanted to impress this girl with some fancy kitchen appliances.
You know how women love kitchen gadgets.
OK?
Long story short, the blizzard machine fell down the stairs outside my apartment and now I’m just looking to put something in its place at the DQ until I can get this thing fixed.
If my boss finds out, I’m fired for sure.
I’m sorry. I don’t think I can help you. These machines only make margaritas.
Brenda, I’ve been working around frozen treats for almost 6 months now and I can tell you that a margarita maker will make a blizzard if you just throw ice cream and some reese’s pieces in it.
No it won’t.
And I’m sorry but we don’t rent them for that.
What the hell do you care what I use it for?
Why do I care?? This is my business and these are my margarita machines!
If you put ice cream and candy in them, it will ruin it.
Ok, tell you what, forget what I said earlier.
Tough luck, find somebody else.
I text her 30 minutes later from the same phone number …
Hello. I would like to rent a margarita machine for a Tropical themed birthday party for my Uncle Gary.
Are you joking?
No.
Stop texting me!
You got a lot of nerve trying to rent one again
You really fucked me and Uncle Gary over this time, Brenda.
How dumb do you think I am?
Hey, do you know if Party Time Margarita is hiring?
No!
Hi! Are you still looking for boat storage?
Yep, do you have anything
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