Love & Loss Read Online Free PDF Page A

cashmere jumper and my silver jewellery and did some grey and black eye makeup. I heard Lexi answering the intercom and headed into the lounge to sort out my bag and books, it was still only twenty to nine and we didn’t need to get the bus until after twelve. I tucked my legs up on the recliner as Lexi came in with a tray and some bags.
    ‘Doug not joining us?’ I asked surprised.
    ‘No, you’ve totally forgotten Gabe’s schedule of lectures haven’t you? Sports Science at 10 a.m. so he’s headed in.’ She rummaged in the bags and handed me my McMuffin, hash brown and a shake.
    ‘Cheers, I’ll text Doug to say thanks. Is he coming out tonight?’
    ‘No he’s staying in with Gabe, they’re having an Xbox marathon with Robert.’
     ‘O right,’ I unwrapped my sandwich and had a bite, at least I could actually taste it and it wasn’t half bad. ‘Well I went to Gabe’s and he saw me running away from his front door and left a message asking me to come back. He said that he wanted to talk, that he missed me and he knew he’d fucked up.’
    ‘And?’
    ‘I replied to tell him that I need more time,’ I mumbled through a mouthful of food.
    ‘I don’t want to argue again Mia, but what good’s more time going to do you? The longer you leave it the harder it’s going to be. How will you get past it if you can’t let out your anger with the one person who made you feel like that?’
    ‘I don’t know Lex, but I can’t see him when I’m angry, not knowing he’s suffering from stress and heightened emotions. It will make him worse.’
    ‘Let him be the judge of what he can handle.’
    ‘Trouble is he never handles any disagreement well Lex. He flares up faster than a … a …’
    ‘A flare?’
    ‘Wow talk about going for the obvious choice of word,’ I laughed.
    ‘Well you fanny around with your posh words and phrases, sometimes you just need to tell it how it is.’
    ‘Ok, but the point is he needs to get all of this out of his system before I talk to him.’
    ‘So what? You’re going to wait until Dr Jarvis says he’s cured in another five, ten or twenty years’ time and then you’ll get back together?’
    ‘You make it sound so easy Lexi, and like I’m the one in the wrong.’
    ‘I know it’s not easy Mia, I mean I’m certainly no relationship expert, but you’re both bloody miserable without each other. Besides, you know what winds him up and you’ve just gone and done it again this morning. You went out running in the dark, on your own, then knocked his door and ran off. Didn’t you think how that would affect him? Don’t glare at me like that, I don’t want to argue, I’m just telling you how I see it. I’ve said my piece so come on, let rip at me now.’
    ‘I don’t want to let rip Lexi, I just want to take my mind off it all. What can I do to help you ?’
    ‘Well we tried sex again last night and I faked it again, twice, and I think you may be right.’
    ‘About what? Telling him?’
    ‘No,’ she exclaimed looking at me mortified. ‘Have I taught you nothing about the rules of sex? You never tell a guy you faked it, it’s like the kiss of death for him ever having an erection again.’
    ‘Well you don’t want that, you can’t get Douged if he’s turned into a Mr Softie,’ I winked.
    ‘Quite,’ she nodded with a slight smile.
    ‘So what am I right about?’
    ‘I think you’re right, that I’m holding back.’
    ‘Why Lex?’
    ‘I really like the guy, what if I have seriously amazing sex with him and want more?’ She looked at me really confused.
    ‘That’s the whole point of a relationship, wanting more. If you get on great and the sex turns out to be amazing then that’s as good as it gets, you’ve hit the relationship jackpot. Why wouldn’t you want more?’
    ‘I’m not sure I’m ready for a relationship like that Mia.’
    ‘So what, you’re going to carry on as you are? Faking it to stop you getting closer to him?’
    ‘No, I think I need