Love & Loss Read Online Free PDF

to end it,’ she sighed.
    ‘O Lex really ? You get on so well, what if you walk away and he finds someone else and you change your mind? You said the same to me about Gabe.’
    ‘I know but I’m just not ready for all this serious shit.’
    ‘What are you scared of?’ I asked, batting back the same question she’d posed to me.
    ‘That he’ll abandon me when I’ve let him in, just like my parents have.’
    ‘Lex, your mum’s an alcoholic and we may never know why, but your dad left because of her, not because of you.’
    ‘What’s the diff? He still left me behind.’
    ‘The difference is that it was nothing you did, it had nothing to do with who you are as a person Lex. I know only too well that it’s not easy to start trying to accept that, but Gabe has made me start to feel like maybe I am worth someone’s time and attention. That’s only happened because I took that seriously scary step and let him in. Doug could do that for you, but you have to take your own step and meet him halfway.’
    ‘What if he’s not as into me as all that? I mean guys only go for me for the sex.’
    ‘Lexi please don’t put yourself down. Until Doug you let guys know that all you were interested in was sex, so that’s the sort of guy you attracted, ones that only wanted a one night stand too. By having a relationship with Doug you’ve made it clear that it’s not just all about sex and he’s right there with you.’
    ‘You think?’
    ‘From what I understand he used to go out on the pull with Gabe all the time. He’s a good looking guy, if sex was the only thing he was after he could go and get laid any night of the week. You told me the exact same thing when I was having doubts about Gabe. Doug’s still with you and look how good he’s been with me since Sunday, visiting me and texting me. He has such a big heart Lex.’
    ‘I know, I’m just not sure I do.’
    ‘I’ll come and bitch slap you in a minute Clarke, Women’s Wrestling League style. Look how amazing you’ve been with me over all this and ever since we met. You do have a heart Lex, you’re just cautious who you give it to, just like I am.’
    ‘We should be lesbian life partners,’ she sighed. ‘We get on great, trust each other and know we’re for life.’
    ‘Yeah, but I’d miss the sex.’
    ‘Hey if I decided to be a lesbian I’d be the best damn lesbian out there,’ she said firmly.
    ‘ Ewwww stop, you’d seriously go down on a woman?’
    ‘A choice of no sex, or lesbian sex sure. It would be like a cat licking its arse.’
    ‘What?’ I laughed.
    ‘Well they probably don’t like doing it, I bet it doesn’t taste good, but they do it anyway out of necessity. I’d be that arse licking cat, I’d chow down out of necessity.’
    ‘You’re so grossing me out right now.’
    ‘You’re saying you don’t think I’ve got it in me?’
    ‘I don’t think you’re flexible enough to lick your own arse,’ I grinned.
    ‘I meant giving you oral not that. ’
    ‘You know I’m now traumatised for life by this visual? It’s so wrong.’
    ‘Not like I’d go there,’ she huffed. ‘Just saying if I did you’d be screaming for more. You don’t think you’d be a good lesbian for me?’
    ‘I don’t think I’d be a good lesbian for anyone Lex, muff just doesn’t appeal to me. If it was just you and me left in the world and I was that desperate, I’d get myself off instead.’
    ‘Charming, you’re saying my pussy’s not good enough for you?’
    ‘Stop diverting from a serious conversation with seriously disturbing girl on girl talk. You always do that to shock me into forgetting what we were talking about.’
    ‘I’ve talked enough about it for one day thanks. All this relationship shit and talking about it is all new to me. I’ll digest what we’ve discussed today and we can talk more tomorrow ok?’
    ‘Lex, just think carefully about this. Please don’t make a rash decision and if you’re going to end it, do it nicely.