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like is not often the same as feels like, and rarely the same as is. Feeling sensually aroused comes from within as much as it comes from without.
     
Reigniting the F lames of Passion
     
Sometimes in my seminars I hear men and women complaining about couples getting locked into patterns of the same approach, the same position, the same day, the same time, etc. There's no excitement, no butterflies, no danger, no laughter, no anything. First they go a week at a time without sex, then before they even realize it, a whole month has gone by Pretty soon, so much time has passed that they're both too embarrassed to mention it. All of a sudden they're actually shy again with each other.
This situation is not uncommon, yet it is still only representative of a portion of the women I've spoken to about their sex lives. There are other women who keep the rest of the seminar participants on the edge of their seats with wonderful stories of sensual adventures. And don't think for a moment that these stories come only from the young women or women in the first blissful stages of love. Some of the most exciting sensual adventures come from women who have been with the same men for decades. They simply refused to succumb to the sexual boredom that many believe is inevitable to long-term relationships. One couple from Texas, who married in their twenties and are still married after fifteen years, keep a private date night every month: one of them orders from a favorite takeout restaurant, picks up a bottle of wine, and brings it all up to the bedroom, where they spend the rest of the night. As the woman, a psychologist, told me, "Our lives get so fast and busy, there is so little time to slow down and feel like we did when we first got together. In the bedroom, we're halfway to where we want to go."
Another woman and her husband were both married before—he for thirty years, and she for twelve. Knowing they weren't going to reach a twenty-fifth anniversary, they decided to celebrate their marriage every month by doing something special. One of their favorite ways to mark their anniversaries is to dine in the nude. As the woman told me, "We're up to our 115th celebration and they keep getting better!"
You must realize, assuming you're both healthy and that you genuinely care for one another, sexual intensity (or lack thereof) a personal choice. It's not a condition. It can be created or repeated very quickly The only prerequisites for a truly sensuous dud fulfilling sex life for both of you are desire and a little inspiration. The following ideas were conceived and pulled off successfully by women in the seminar in order to stimulate the sex flow of their relationships. I'm sharing them with you, hoping they might inspire your own creative juices. Remember, your sensual environment belongs to you and your partner. What works for another couple will not necessarily work for the two of you, nor should it. Yet sometimes, stepping outside those boundaries of the sexual box you're accustomed to is exactly what it takes to reignite the flames of passion.
For her husband's thirty-fifth birthday, a housewife from a suburb outside of New York City decided to greet him with a little surprise when he'd returned home after being out of town on business for several days. When he entered the front door, he found a note waiting for him on the foyer table. It read, "Happy Birthday Darling, Follow Directions Explicitly: turn up the heat to 85; totally disrobe; put on the David Sanborn CD; and sit in the Eames chair [which was covered with a towel]; blindfold yourself, and don't say a word. When you are ready, clap your hands." At which point, the woman came into the room and proceeded to massage him with warm oil and feed him olives, grapes, and apricots. Then she did a hot/cold shift with her mouth (see Chapter 7) while performing oral sex. "My husband told me it was the most amazing sensation experience he'd ever experienced. And it totally revved up our