night, Dannyboy.” The last thing I felt was the sweet brush of her lips on my cheek.
And then I was dreaming.
Chapter 14
WELCOME TO MY NIGHTMARES!
I have these incredible, vivid dreams that are like high-definition virtual reality. The one I had that night was a recurring one where I was a warrior in a world like Middle Earth in
The Lord of the Rings,
or maybe
300.
I was on a battlefield, holding a shining sword, surrounded by a Yankee Stadium–sized crowd of seething, hopelessly evil creatures. They were heavily armed, and every one of them was there to fight me. They all wanted their piece, but especially the real treasure—my brain.
I turned to try to run but then saw that Willy, Joe, Emma, and Dana were at my side. “We’ve got your back—well, kinda!” Willy yelled.
And then, as always, I saw The Prayer coming at me.
And, as always, Number 1 killed me! Set me on fire, cooked me to medium rare, and then ate me.
I really, really, really hope I haven’t just given away the ending of this story.
Chapter 15
A DAY LATER I arrived in LA, hot on the trail of Number 6—or maybe he was hot on my trail, hard to tell. As I said earlier, his name was Ergent Seth, and according to The List, he lived somewhere called Malibu. The depraved entity was believed to be in the film industry, which made sense if you think about some of the movies they make these days.
I created my mom and dad again, and this time included my sister Pork Chop (Brenda), to help me rent a house in Glendale, which is a suburb of LA.
The nicest thing about the rent-a-house was its gleaming gourmet kitchen. After a long-overdue shower and a quick stop at the supermarket, I spent the next two hours cracking eggs, chopping onions, grinding meat, selecting herbs and spices.
Cooking is a hobby and a passion of mine. It calms me, helps me unwind, and, hey, I’m fifteen. I eat like a truck driver.
I kept my parents and even Pork Chop around for dinner and some nice chitchat. I decided it was Italian night, spaghetti, sausage, and meatballs to be precise, but done the real way. I like to go the whole nine. Top-quality, freshly ground beef, veal, pork, and pancetta, a type of Italian bacon. Roma tomatoes and extra virgin olive oil for the sauce. Fresh pasta. Fresh basil and oregano and Romano and mozzarella cheeses to top it all off.
I’d learned the wonders of authentic Italian on a trip to Sicily six months earlier. I wasn’t there on a vacation, unfortunately, but to take out Number 24, a homicidal, gunrunning alien known as Bang, Bang, Doom, who lived in a heavily guarded villa outside Palermo. Beautiful digs, great views.
After dinner, I was thinking about making a fire. Then I was going to catch up on reading this novel I’d picked up in Portland,
Water for Elephants.
A honey of a story!
From the looks of ecstasy on my family’s faces around the granite kitchen island, I knew I’d nailed the meal. Even Pork Chop shut her motormouth for a few seconds and shoveled in dinner.
“Thanks for helping me out, guys,” I said, lowering my fork and raising my Pellegrino in a toast. “Here’s to the best family in the world.”
Even though you’re not real.
Chapter 16
AFTER DESSERT my mom hung back in the kitchen as my dad and sister went to see what was on TV. Pork Chop stopped the remote on an old
Simpsons
rerun, her favorite show.
“I saw The List of Alien Outlaws,” my mom said, sliding me her half-eaten slice of cake. “You’re going after Ergent Seth for sure? Number 6. Is that true, Daniel?”
I couldn’t help but detect the concern in her voice, and in her eyes as well. Kind of sweet, but hey, I’m not three years old anymore. And I’m battle tested.
“That’s right,” I said, trying to act nonchalant. “It’s no biggie.”
“You are aware that this is the first time you’ve gone after a monster in the top ten.”
“I hadn’t thought of it in exactly that way,” I said. “You’re suggesting that things are
And then I was dreaming.
Chapter 14
WELCOME TO MY NIGHTMARES!
I have these incredible, vivid dreams that are like high-definition virtual reality. The one I had that night was a recurring one where I was a warrior in a world like Middle Earth in
The Lord of the Rings,
or maybe
300.
I was on a battlefield, holding a shining sword, surrounded by a Yankee Stadium–sized crowd of seething, hopelessly evil creatures. They were heavily armed, and every one of them was there to fight me. They all wanted their piece, but especially the real treasure—my brain.
I turned to try to run but then saw that Willy, Joe, Emma, and Dana were at my side. “We’ve got your back—well, kinda!” Willy yelled.
And then, as always, I saw The Prayer coming at me.
And, as always, Number 1 killed me! Set me on fire, cooked me to medium rare, and then ate me.
I really, really, really hope I haven’t just given away the ending of this story.
Chapter 15
A DAY LATER I arrived in LA, hot on the trail of Number 6—or maybe he was hot on my trail, hard to tell. As I said earlier, his name was Ergent Seth, and according to The List, he lived somewhere called Malibu. The depraved entity was believed to be in the film industry, which made sense if you think about some of the movies they make these days.
I created my mom and dad again, and this time included my sister Pork Chop (Brenda), to help me rent a house in Glendale, which is a suburb of LA.
The nicest thing about the rent-a-house was its gleaming gourmet kitchen. After a long-overdue shower and a quick stop at the supermarket, I spent the next two hours cracking eggs, chopping onions, grinding meat, selecting herbs and spices.
Cooking is a hobby and a passion of mine. It calms me, helps me unwind, and, hey, I’m fifteen. I eat like a truck driver.
I kept my parents and even Pork Chop around for dinner and some nice chitchat. I decided it was Italian night, spaghetti, sausage, and meatballs to be precise, but done the real way. I like to go the whole nine. Top-quality, freshly ground beef, veal, pork, and pancetta, a type of Italian bacon. Roma tomatoes and extra virgin olive oil for the sauce. Fresh pasta. Fresh basil and oregano and Romano and mozzarella cheeses to top it all off.
I’d learned the wonders of authentic Italian on a trip to Sicily six months earlier. I wasn’t there on a vacation, unfortunately, but to take out Number 24, a homicidal, gunrunning alien known as Bang, Bang, Doom, who lived in a heavily guarded villa outside Palermo. Beautiful digs, great views.
After dinner, I was thinking about making a fire. Then I was going to catch up on reading this novel I’d picked up in Portland,
Water for Elephants.
A honey of a story!
From the looks of ecstasy on my family’s faces around the granite kitchen island, I knew I’d nailed the meal. Even Pork Chop shut her motormouth for a few seconds and shoveled in dinner.
“Thanks for helping me out, guys,” I said, lowering my fork and raising my Pellegrino in a toast. “Here’s to the best family in the world.”
Even though you’re not real.
Chapter 16
AFTER DESSERT my mom hung back in the kitchen as my dad and sister went to see what was on TV. Pork Chop stopped the remote on an old
Simpsons
rerun, her favorite show.
“I saw The List of Alien Outlaws,” my mom said, sliding me her half-eaten slice of cake. “You’re going after Ergent Seth for sure? Number 6. Is that true, Daniel?”
I couldn’t help but detect the concern in her voice, and in her eyes as well. Kind of sweet, but hey, I’m not three years old anymore. And I’m battle tested.
“That’s right,” I said, trying to act nonchalant. “It’s no biggie.”
“You are aware that this is the first time you’ve gone after a monster in the top ten.”
“I hadn’t thought of it in exactly that way,” I said. “You’re suggesting that things are
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