Dumb Clucks Read Online Free PDF Page A

those five-thousand-dollar feathers,” I said.
    He raised them to my face.
    The feathers brushed my nose. And—UH-OH!—I…
    SNEEZED!
    Whoa. The feathers flew up into the air. The ceiling fan blew them everywhere. I saw some of them sail out the window.
    Sherman dove to the floor in a feeble attempt to rescue his precious feathers. He caught two or three of them. He waved his fist at me.
    â€œYou did that on purpose!” he shouted. “You did that because you’re a Stupid Chicken fan!”
    â€œNo. Not true!” I cried. “I couldn’t help it! I—I—”
    I sneezed again. Sherman’s last three feathers went flying out the window.
    Kids gasped in horror.
    Joe Sweety jumped to his feet. “This means WAR!” he boomed.

Chapter 12
D ANGLEPHOBIA
    Joe Sweety picked me up by my shirt and pushed me against the wall.
    â€œWant to watch some TV?” I gave him my best smile.
    Sweety growled.
    All the girls and Nyce House dudes mobbed me, shouting angrily.
    I didn’t like the way this was going. I’m a popular guy. Popular guys don’t like to be pressed against a wall and mobbed.
    â€œYou got me wrong!” I shouted. “I love DrasticDuck! He’s my favorite duck! Really! He’s so totally… drastic !”
    Â 
    â€œWAR!”
    Â 
    Sweety bellowed.
    Â 
    â€œWAR!”
    â€œWAR! WAR! WAR!”
    Â 
    Even April-May was pumping her fists and chanting.
    Didn’t she know she was my girlfriend? Didn’t she know she should be helping me?
    â€œPunch him in the encyclopedia!” Wes Updood roared.
    That dude is so cool. I wish I could understand him.
    â€œEncyclopedia! Encyclopedia!” Updood started to chant.
    But no one joined in on that one.
    â€œPut me down! Put me down!” I shouted at Joe Sweety. “I have Danglephobia! It’s very serious. I’m afraid of having my feet dangle in the air!”
    Sweety pressed me harder against the wall.“Sorry, Bernie,” he growled. “We have to defend Drastic Duck!” He pushed till it felt like his hand went right through me!
    I was rapidly becoming Flat Bernie!
    Could things get worse? Yes.
    The mob went for my shirts. They knocked over the pile. Then they began grabbing them away.
    â€œNot the shirts!” I cried. “Not the shirts! They cost me big bucks!”
    What were these Nyce House creeps doing? I saw them passing around black markers. They spread the shirts on the floor.
    They were drawing on them!
    I couldn’t believe it. They were drawing DUCKS all over my Stupid Chicken shirts!
    Â 
    â€œWAR! WAR! WAR!”
    â€œEncyclopedia!
    Encyclopedia!”
    Â 
    They quacked and chanted as they destroyed my shirts.
    â€œI’m ruined!” I wailed. “Ruined!”
    And then a booming, deep voice silenced everyone:
    Â 
    â€œLEAVE HIM ALONE!”
    Â 
    Joe Sweety let go of me, and I slid to the floor. Kids dropped the shirts and backed away in silence. They were all trembling.
    Â 
    â€œTHAT’S BETTER!”
    Â 
    the voice boomed.
    I lay in a flattened heap on the floor. I looked up and saw the owner of the voice. Jennifer! Jennifer Ecch!
    Jennifer is the biggest, meanest, muscliest, hulkiestgirl in school. She’s, like, prehistoric ! I mean like those furry mastodons in our history textbook.
    Jennifer once arm wrestled a car —and WON!
    And did I forget to mention that The Ecch is totally in love with me?
    Do you know how embarrassing it is to be in fourth grade and have the hulkiest, muscliest, biggest, meanest girl in school slobbering all over you with wet, smoochy kisses?
    Well…tonight I was glad to see her.
    She reached down, grabbed the collar of my shirt, and lifted me off the floor with one hand. “Are you okay, Lamby Nose?” she asked.
    â€œPlease don’t call me Lamby Nose,” I begged.
    She licked my arm for a minute or two. “You’re so sweet, I could eat