Dumb Clucks Read Online Free PDF Page B

BLUCK
    GLUCK LUCK BLUCK BLUCK!
    Â 
    That made the Drastic fans quack.
    Â 
    QUACK BLUCK COO
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    Louder. Louder. Quacking and blucking till the floor vibrated and the walls shook.
    Â 
    Quack Bluck
    Â 
    â€œBuffalo Wings of Steel!” someone shouted.
    Â 
    Coo BLUCK QUACK
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    â€œWebbed Feet of Wonder!”
    Â 
    BLUCK Quack COO
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    â€œStupid Chicken is a featherbrain!”
    Â 
    QUACK BLUCK COO
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    â€œStupid Chicken will roast Drastic Duck on a spit!”
    Â 
    Quack Bluck
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    â€œPower Pigeon is Coo-Coo-Coolossal!”
    Â 
    COO BLUCK
    Â 
    BLUCK Quack Coo
    Â 
    â€œQUACK QUACK QUACK ATTACK!”
    Â 
    COO Coo Bluck
    Â 
    â€œBLUCK BLUCK—You’re outta LUCK!”
    Â 
    BLUCK QUACK COO
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    Then it got REALLY UGLY. With everyone pushing and shoving and twisting and bending and quacking and blucking and fighting and flapping and crying and crowing.
    And three guesses who walked in.
    You got it. Headmaster Upchuck.
    â€œBernie,” he said. “What’s going on here?”

Chapter 14
C ALM AND Q UIET
    A hush fell over the room. A few feathers floated down from the ceiling. Nothing else moved.
    â€œWhat’s going on in here?” The Upchuck repeated, glaring at me.
    â€œNothing, sir,” I said. “Just keeping things calm and quiet.”
    He glared at me some more.
    â€œKeeping it calm and quiet the way you wanted, sir,” I said. “We’re just hanging out here calmly and quietly. Watching some science shows on TV. You know. Our favorite wildlife documentaries.”
    He scratched his bald head. “Science documentaries?”
    â€œYes, it’s Newt Week,” I said. “We always try to catch the shows about newts. It’s like a thrill.”
    I’m not sure the Headmaster believed me. He gave me the evil eye. “I’m watching you, Bernie. And guess what? I’ve been practicing cartwheels. Know why?”
    â€œWhy, sir?” I asked.
    â€œBecause I’m going to do cartwheels across the Great Lawn when I send you home for good!”
    â€œThat won’t be necessary, sir,” I said.
    â€œRemember, Bernie,” Upchuck said, “calm and quiet till Parents’ Day—or ELSE!” He made a slicing motion across his throat.
    â€œNo prob, sir,” I said. I flashed him a sharp salute. “We all love calm and quiet around here.”
    As soon as he was out the door, the war started up again. Clucking and blucking, quacking and hacking, pushing and pecking, flapping and flipping.
    Read my lips—it was ugly.

Chapter 15
W HY D OES A C HICKEN H AVE T HREE T OES ?
    The next afternoon, I sat daydreaming in Mrs. Heinie’s class. I dreamed about making big money by selling chickens and ducks to Chef Baloney in the dining hall.
    Billy the Brain was talking. There’s a kid in every class who does all the talking—right? In our class, Billy should be called Billy the Mouth!
    â€œChickens are very interesting animals,” Billy was telling the class. “Did you know that they are actually hunting birds? They’ve just forgotten how to hunt.”
    Mrs. Heinie yawned. “That’s very interesting, Billy,” she said.
    Billy wasn’t finished. “Did you know that chickens are the only animals who prefer to take a bath rather than a shower?”
    Mrs. H. frowned at him. “Billy, that’s a crock,” she said.
    â€œThank you,” Billy replied. “Do you know why chickens only have three toes? Because they’re born that way.”
    â€œThat’s enough,” Mrs. Heinie snapped. She tossed a piece of chalk across the room and hit Billy right between the eyes.
    â€œI assigned a short story last night,” she said. “How many of you read one?” She squinted at us through her thick glasses.
    No hands went up.
    Mrs. H. picked up another piece of chalk. But she couldn’t decide who to throw it at. “Why