Dear Emily (Forever Family) Read Online Free PDF Page A

I can’t handle it.
    Decision made. We will move on and be happy after it’s all over. Right?
    Carly is perfect. She is going to be the perfect mother, make perfect pancakes, and give Emily the perfect life.
    Fucking perfect.
    I wish I were perfect.
    Fuck.

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
    Present
    Age 21
    I’m on my way to the ultrasound. The cab drops me off about a block away from the clinic, and I scrounge up change from the bottom of my purse to pay for my fare. I have no fucking clue how I’m going to get home. Shit.
    I step onto the sidewalk and stare at the clinic that I’ve been coming to since I first found out that I was pregnant. I begin to feel the same anxiety that I felt on that first visit, and I take a deep breath to try to calm myself.
    I’m five minutes late. Typical. I can never get anywhere on time. It’s a curse. So many things in my life are a curse.
    I’m a curse.
    I’m so nervous as I walk up to the door. What if she doesn’t show up?
    I walk in and Carly is the only person in the waiting room, wringing her hands together and tapping her feet nervously. Her metallic blue painted toes peep out of her flip-flops. Her long curly hair is pulled away from her face into a loose ponytail with some curls cascading around her narrow face. Her dark brown eyes seem massive against her pale skin. She’s dressed casually and comfortably. And she’s a nervous wreck.
    Shit. I made her wait. She probably didn’t think I was going to show up. It’s written all over her face.
    I suck.
    She raises her head as soon as I walk through the door, and her nervous expression begins to melt. Suddenly, she is warm and bright as a smile transforms her face. Oh my God, her smile.
    Perfect.
    I walk in, and she stands, slowly walking toward me as I scribble my name on the patient sign in sheet. The office assistant looks up, nods, and gives me a weird look. She knows. She knows what I’m doing, and she hates me for it. She thinks I’m a terrible person for not wanting to keep my own baby and that I’m a monster.
    Stop! I need to stop these invasive and divisive thoughts.
    She doesn’t know, and she isn’t judging. Is she?
    I’m talking to myself. God.
    I turn to Carly, and she is now only a few feet away from me. She extends her right arm as if she wants to shake my hand so I extend my hand and she grabs it with both of hers, squeezing. Her eyes meet mine, and they are glistening. Oh God, please don’t cry! I can’t handle this as it is.
    “Hi,” she says.
    “Hi,” I say softly, looking away.
    We don’t have much time to stand here in this awkward stance because the nurse calls me back. “Tabitha Fletcher?”
    “Y-yes,” I stutter. “I’m here and so is my… friend?”
    The nurse looks between the two of us, nods her head, and motions for us to go back to the exam room.
    I lead as Carly follows closely behind.
    Once in the exam room, the nurse instructs me to get onto the table and lie down on my back. As she is prepping my stomach with jelly, she begins asking me questions.
    “How are you feeling today, Tabitha?”
    “Fine.”
    “Any change since your last visit?”
    “Nope.”
    “Any discomfort or discharges?”
    Gross . “Nope.”
    “Who is your friend?”
    I’m silent for a moment, and Carly looks around the room as if fascinated by all of this equipment. Did she hear the question?
    “She’s the… Um... She’s going to be… Um…” I’m struggling with the words and can’t seem to say them out loud.
    The nurse raises her eyebrow at me and looks between the two of us as the wand hovers above my baby bump.
    “She’s adopting my baby,” I say softly.
    “Oh.” The nurse replies, and not missing a beat, turns to Carly. “Is this your first?”
    Carly replies, “Yes, our first, and a gift. The greatest gift anyone has ever given to us.” Her dark chocolate eyes are glistening as she’s looking at the monitor. She grabs my hand and squeezes.
    I suck in a breath and lay there silently