Blind Hope: An Unwanted Dog & the Woman She Rescued Read Online Free PDF Page A

responsibility for her own destructive choices. It wasn’t long before partying and promiscuity became a normal part of Laurie’s life. In a sad moral bargain, she believed that if she hung out in trendy places and could show her peers that she was hip, funny, and engaging, maybe then they would accept her as a friend.
    The price of becoming a valuable woman climbed to ever-increasing heights with every new boyfriend she allowed into what was left of her parceled-out heart. Every relationship began with the same euphoric high, driven by a false hope thatthis time it would be different. But it wasn’t different. Each relationship ended with the same crushing low, hallmarked by a greater sense of emptiness. Each failed liaison left Laurie with less of herself and more of the wasting disease of loneliness that devoured her very core. Her ever-changing life as a chameleon, trying to become the woman each man dreamed of, was costing Laurie her soul.
    Although her facade remained glossy, intact, and beautiful, Laurie’s skillfully hidden true self always felt churned up, troubled, and empty. Because the attractive approach didn’t satisfy her, she even tried a short season of its polar opposite. Complete trashiness became her trademark. She dressed in tight, revealing clothing and wore heavy, dark makeup. She matched her internal pain with external piercings in a desperate effort to disguise her constant fear of rejection.
    All of Laurie’s efforts to fill her heart with love, value, and purpose brought only fleeting moments of relief. She was starving, and everything she tried to feed herself brought only a savory aroma, merely enough to make her stomach knot and her mouth flood with the anticipation of something real. But nothing she could produce was real. She was terrified to take an honest look into her own soul. She felt certain that if she did, nothing would stare back at her but the bottomless, empty gaze of an emotional refugee.
    The sum of Laurie’s endeavors to bear her brokenness left her with even greater wounds. Every self-promoting effort to restore her shattered heart resulted in greater devastation. All her frantic and manipulative cries for help fell upon the deafness of her peers. Everything she did to rescue herself failed. So she did the next best thing. She became a master of deception. There was no smile or angry expression she couldn’t hide behind. Sadly, the soul she was most deceiving was her own.
    Even though the world shouted, “This is as good as it gets, this is all there is,” Laurie knew that she wanted something more. She struggled to hold on to the hope that perhaps there was something more. There must be something more.
    There must be something more
.
    Insidiously, her vices took over—until one day Laurie realized she was no longer in control of the ploys she used to gain what she needed; they were in control of her. In that black season, Laurie finally recognized that she was being pulled into the throat of a behemoth. The monster that sought to destroy her had a ravenous mouth that knew no satisfaction. Its jagged teeth closed around her, paralyzing her with despair. The sharp fangs that gripped her had names: guilt, hopelessness, shame, selfishness, pride, fear, sorrow, worthlessness.
    Although Laurie knew about God, she had chosen not to turn to him. She had mistaken God for a church, a group of people, and a set of rules. When they failed her, she believed that God also had failed her. God felt too far away to satisfy her needs. Even though she had been raised in a Christian home, she had never genuinely embraced her own relationship with God. Instead, she assumed only enough Christianity to make her look good when she needed to. Laurie learned how to wear faith like an accessory, choosing to bring it out only to complement her exterior appearance in order to blend in with others who had a deeper faith than her own.
    On the outside, Laurie looked righteous and together, but inside