Boy Minus Girl Read Online Free PDF Page A

breasts hanging out. I’m telling you, it’s heaven on earth. You gotta see it for yourself. Maybe I’ll take you Down Under someday.”
    “You mean it?”
    “Sure, kid, why not?” He snatches his pack of Pall Malls and his alligator-skin wallet from the dresser, stuffing them into his pocket.
    “Where you going?”
    “Gonna see if the hometown remembers ol’ Ray.” He turns and winks at me. “ ’Night, kid.”
    I wait until I hear his Corvette thunder to life and squeal off before I shut the door and lock it. I know what I’m about to do isn’t right. I check his dresser drawers first, but they contain nothing but his boxer shorts, socks, and a carton of Pall Malls. At the closet I pull out his overstuffed suitcase, set it on the floor, and try to open it, but it’s padlocked. Then I notice his duffel bag. I unzip it and see, in the bottom, a color photograph of a naked dark-skinned lady reclining on a sofa and smiling at the camera. I blink. Wowza! She is beyond hot: her long black, curly hair cascades around her naked boobies! And she’s smiling a perfect toothpaste-ad smile. A small silver ring protrudes from her belly button. One leg is draped over the side of the sofa—I can see her pubic hair! It’s a thin, manicured little strip of fur. Women shave
down there
?
    There are dozens of pictures of her in various positions—all naked, all fantastic.
    And right here in Mom’s house! In my very room! It’s like I found a secret passage to the Playboy Mansion. And to think that for the past two years I’ve been getting off on bra ads from nursing-supply catalogs.
    Is this Uncle Ray’s girlfriend? Can he introduce me?
    Dear Jesus . . . I know I said I wasn’t going to jerk off for an entire week, but You know I wasn’t expecting to find those pictures. I’ll try to control myself better next time and not look at those pictures ever again. I hope You can forgive me. In Your Name. Amen.
    As I return the pictures to the duffel bag, I see, at the bottom, a shining metallic curve sticking out of a small black towel. Carefully I unwrap it.
    The chrome-plated revolver fits perfectly in my palm, and there is a dusting of black—gunpowder?—on the nicked barrel. Glancing back into the bag, I see several stubby cartridges. Could this be the gun that killed that nightclub owner? A chill shimmies up my spine.
    Then, from the floor vent, I hear my mother’s voice: “Roger! Just what do you think you’re doing?”
    I move closer to the vent and hear my father’s slurred reply: “Thought maybe you’d like to, y’know . . .”
    “You are drunk, sir,” she says.
    “Oh, c’mon, honey, it’s been so long since we’ve done it.”
    “For heaven’s sake, Roger, don’t be silly. Now just go to sleep.”
    I step back. I’ve never heard my parents make love, or even talk about sex in any way whatsoever. Strange and conflicted emotions bubble up inside me. Part of me is totally grossed out. And part of me is sort of happy for them—they’re normal, they have urges like I do, or at least Dad does. But he sounds so lonely and deprived, and Mom was so cold.
    “Les!” Mom calls from the bottom of the stairs.
    I quickly return the gun to the duffel bag.
    “Time for Johnny Carson!” she yells.
    “Not tonight!” I yell back. “Too tired.”
    She denies Dad. I’ll deny her.
    The last time I look at the digital bedside alarm clock, it’s almost two a.m. and Uncle Ray still isn’t home.

Seduction Tip Number 3:
    Developing Your Sex Sense

    The Seductive Man has a superbly developed tactile sense. To develop your faculties, gather together the following items: a piece of toast, a large marshmallow, a silk handkerchief, and a tomato. Lay them out on a table and strip to the waist. With your eyes closed, slowly touch each item, then rub it on your body.
Remember
how each item feels. Repeat this exercise until each one’s unique texture imprints itself on your fingers and skin.

    The next morning at school I