Chasing Butterflies Read Online Free PDF Page A

your subconscious sent signals that felt like butterflies in your tummy when you were with the right one.
    By the time Debbie arrived, I’d already opened my gift, which was an upgrade to my current cell phone. Dad changed my plan to include data. I could go online wherever I was.
    “Thanks, Daddy,” I said, throwing my arms around him.
    “You deserve it,” he whispered as Mom captured the moment with her camera.
    They waved as we left the house. And I had the feeling it was going to be awesome. Turning sixteen felt sweet.
    “This is going to be the best party ever,” Debbie announced when we were on our way.
    Ox’s house was lit up and the two-story dream house was no doubt full of people from school. I felt like a rock star when I walked in. Ox announced me like I was headlining a rock concert.
    “My girl’s in the house,” he yelled over the music, which was great. The best part came when later Ox revealed a huge birthday cake with sixteen candles and everyone sang to me. It felt surreal. When Ox told me to make a wish, I wished that the dream of my night wouldn’t ever end.
    “Where are we going?” I asked when he dragged me upstairs and away from everyone else.
    “Your present is in my room.”
    My stomach fluttered but not in a good way. Instantly, I was nervous. I wanted to be ready for the next step. It seemed like everyone was having sex, or so it had seemed while wadding through the gyrating people on the makeshift dance floor. As much as I wanted to be, I still wasn’t ready. And how could I tell him no after he’d thrown me the amazing party?
    The door closed with a click that sounded more like the trigger of a gun. I jumped, wrapping my arms around me, rubbing at the sudden chill. Muffled sounds came from downstairs, which meant no one would hear us. When he turned to face me, he had one arm behind his back. In majestic fashion, he whipped out in front of him a blue box with a white satin ribbon and bent on one knee. My jaw dropped.
    “What?”
    “Open it.”
    With shaky hands, I did as he asked. We were only sixteen, I told myself. There was no need to be nervous. Maybe he didn’t want to tower over me as I opened the gift.
    Inside the box, I found a ring on a bed of felt. It sparkled like nothing I’d seen before.
    “I know we’re young. And it’s crazy. But I love you, Lenny. This isn’t an engagement ring, yet. It’s a promise that one day we’ll be together forever.”
    I had no words as he took the box from my nervous hand. Then he lifted the ring before slipping it on my finger.
    “Do you promise you’re mine?”
    My stomach was tied in knots. Was this the signal? I had no idea as he waited there, an anxious smile on his face. I found myself agreeing and his grin broadened to show teeth. He leaned forward and kissed me. When his lips met mine, I expected something more. It hadn’t happened yet. But surely, the first time a boy tells you he loves you it should be met with fireworks. Only none came.

That rainy day of my brother’s funeral, I longed for sunglasses, but I didn’t own any. I’d gone to the party the night before and learned what my father found so interesting at the bottom of an empty bottle. Oblivion .
    I drank until my insides didn’t hurt. I drank, becoming the life of the party. I drank, not wanting the numbness to end. I drank until I woke up in a bed just as naked as the two girls on either side of me.
    A dried up condom clung to my dick like plaster, and I didn’t remember what the fuck I’d done. All I knew was that neither girl was the host of the party. I got up and made a beeline into a ginormous bathroom. I cleaned myself up, pulling off skin cells to free my limp dick from the spent rubber I flushed down the toilet. I dressed in record time, finding my clothes littered in different places on the floor. I didn’t bother finding the girl who should have been my ride. I hightailed it out of there and walked my ass home.
    By the time I made it home,