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seated position with my back against the headboard. “Well first of all, I did not say it was a date.  Although he is a hot guy, I didn’t say that either.”
                  “You said he was from London and had an accent, I filled in the blanks. So, really, what’s going on? Are you okay?” Her upbeat tone had a twinge of worry in it.
                  “I’m okay. Last night was…different. We talked for a couple of hours and had a cup of coffee and some scones.  Around ten, I took a taxi home. It wasn’t a date. Honestly, it seemed like he knew I needed a distraction at the very least. Once we got to Java Java and started talking, it was like we were old friends from school or something. It was nice…and it was kind of weird at the same time.”
                  “What was weird about it?” Emily questioned seriously.
                  “Well, I’ve been on plenty of dates, but I’ve never really made a friend as an adult before.  There’s been associates, classmates, coworkers, neighbors…but I’ve never actually made a friend and that’s what last night felt like.  He didn’t try to come on to me. He wasn’t flirtatious. He wasn’t anything like I expected.  It felt like I made a friend. And that was weird, but nice. Does that make any sense at all?” I explained.
    “ Aww Sahara… Of course it makes sense. It does. And I’m happy for you. But just be careful. You’re hot. He’s hot. I’m sure he was looking to be more than friends.”
    “You’re right. I wasn’t thinking straight. It was that damn Dr. Summers. She wasted no time getting in my head. Ugh… I don’t know. Ben and I talked—his name is Ben by the way and he’ s a doctor. And—”
    “Wait, wait so because I found a handsome doctor you had to one up me by getting a handsome doctor with an accent? You bitch!” Emily interrupted giddily.
    I bumped my head against the head board as I laughed loudly. “First of all, he has his Ph.D. in Social Psychology so he’s not a doctor like Anthony is a doctor so you’re safe. And second of all, I didn’t get him. All he is to me is a funny guy who just happened to be a decent conversationalist. That’s it.”
    “ Mmmm hmmm… you slept with him didn’t you?” Emily joked.
    My laughter turned hysterical as lack of sleep mixed with Emily’s extra comments. I tipped over onto my side and grabbed my stomach, unable to get myself together. For the next five minutes, we struggled to contain ourselves. Any and everything we said from that point forward cracked us up. 
    “Sleeping with him is not the way to mend this broken heart,” I responded when I caught my breath. The reality of my heart being in shambles sobered me up quickly. We both fell silent.
    “I know. I’m j ust playing with you,” Emily said hurriedly. “It’s good to hear you laugh again.  It’s been a long time. And I’m proud of you for taking a chance and making a friend. And for going to therapy. Most importantly, for going to therapy,” Emily overcompensated with an enthused cheer.
    “I appreciate you saying all of that, but just the fact that making a friend and going to therapy being proud moments…it speaks volumes about how messed up I am.”
      “It speaks volumes about you being such a badass survivor.  A lot has happened in the last 10 years. But look at you right at this moment: you have an amazing job, you have an amazing place in an amazing city, you have an amazing sense of style, and you have amazing people in your life that love you. You have so many positives, but you can only see the negatives because of all that guilt you carry around with you,” Emily countered seriously.
    “ But I have every reason to feel guilty Em. After being in Bakersfield for the last seven weeks, I’ve tried to convince myself that the move was necessary and that I was being selfless by letting them go. But the way I handled it…the way I handled everything