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was not right.  I just walked away from everyone and everything again. Again. And in my heart, I know that was messed up.” I sighed deeply and Emily was silent on the other end.
    “ I took the coward’s way out.  But there’s nothing I can really do about it now. I made this bed, so I must lie in it,” I finished quietly.
    “ I wish there was a way for everything to magically fix itself or for all the bad that’s ever happened to be erased. But since there isn’t, you are doing the next best thing. I’m glad you are going to therapy again. I think it is really going to help.”
    “Like I had a choice! Yo u pretty much threatened me,” I accused with mock indignation.
    “And I’d do it again in a heartbeat,” Emily replied lightheartedly.
    “And this is why I love you.”
    “I love you too. Now, tell me about your session.”
    “ Dr. Summers seems nice. She’s better than the one from undergrad. It took me weeks to open up to that one and in this one session, Dr. Summers had me talking and crying about Dad and everything else.  The whole session took me by surprise. And honestly, it was the only reason I agreed to go get coffee with Ben.”
    “She sounds like exactly what you need, Sahara.” I could hear the optimism in her voice, which made me feel a little more optimistic and hopeful about the whole process.
    “It would seem so,” I agreed hesitantly. “I’m just… I don’t know. Nervous? Anxious? I don’t know. But what I do know is that I just can’t continue to live my life like this, you know? I can’t keep hurting the people I love. I can’t…” I trailed off with my eyes closed.
    “Sahara…” Emily started gently, “I know you haven’t been ready to talk about it, but—”
                  “No. If it’s about either of them, I’m still not ready,” I interrupted quickly.
                  Emily sighed. “I can’t keep lying to him Sahara. He’s a mess and we’re all worried about him. I think he knows that I’m lying about having contact information for you. I even think he tried to hack my computer.”
                  “On Monday, I can talk to one of the guys at work about the best package for you and send you a program.”
                  “Obviously, that’s not the point. The point is he is so desperate for information I think he might have tried to hack my computer. You know I love you. And you know I love him. And you also know I would love for you two—”
                  “Emily, please stop,” I begged. I shut my eyes tightly as the tears fought against the closed lids.  “I can’t. I can’t do this. I’m sorry I’ve put you in this position.  I plan to make it right. That’s one of the reasons I’m in therapy. I’m going to make amends. I know I owe them that much. But please stop. I can’t hear this right now. I can’t talk about this right now.”
                  Sighing loudly, Emily was quiet for a moment before she grunted, “Okay.”
                  “So how’s everything with Anthony? Didn’t you guys have a date last night?” I asked.  I seized the opportunity to change the focus of the conversation to a subject Emily couldn’t refuse. Blinking back the tears, I focused on the sky as I stared out of the glass doors that led to the balcony.
                  Emily sighed wistfully, “Anthony is wonderful. He planned this whole spa day for me next weekend.  He was being very cute and awkward about it.”
                  I smiled at how happy Emily sounded. “I’m so happy for you Em. I think you’ve found The One.”
                  “I think so too,” she agreed.
    She went on to talk about their Friday afternoon picnic date that quickly turned into an apology dinner at an expensive steakhouse after a bird shit on their picnic basket. We talked about RED Inc. and my coworkers who sit in their office and play