Worthy of Redemption Read Online Free PDF Page A

weren’t attractive,” I said again as I moved down the hallway.
    The bedroom was illuminated by the light from the master bath. Lily was in my bed, under the blankets with her back to me.
    “You know I could call my dealer to me,” I said, standing beside the bed.
    “You could if you had your phone,” she said.
    Shit.
    “Where’s my phone, Lily?”
    “In the car. I saw it there and forgot to bring it in.”
    I threw my head back in frustration. “And why do you get my bed?”
    “The bed in the guest room is a full size bed. I think I’ve earned the right to sleep in a Cal ifornian king.”
    “I was in rehab for a month,” I pointed out. “I think I deserve to sleep in my own bed.”
    “So sleep,” she snapped.
    I threw my bloody shirt into the bathroom trashcan and turned off the light b efore using the light of the digital clock on the table next to my bed to find my way back to the bed. I threw back the covers and got into my bed. As my head sunk into the pillows, I sighed. I wasn’t exactly content for obvious reasons, but it was nice to be in my own bed, even if I was sharing it with Little Slugger.
    “You split my lip open,” I said to her after a few quiet minutes.
    “You deserved it,” she said as she yawned. “Besides, you took your shirt off. It was a win win.”
    I chuckled, an honest to goodness real bit of laughter. Lily looked over her shoulder at me.
    “What I was trying to say before you had your temper tantrum is that even though those painful emotions may follow you for a long time, you will eventually be able to live with them. You will eventually be able to smile or…laugh. Life only seems to stop, but it only stops for you, and it’s only as long as you want it. The rest of the world will continue on without you, but you don’t want to miss too much, because then you’ll have regrets on top of your regrets. It can become a v icious cycle. You just have to try to live through it, Kyle. You have to try.”
    “But…”
    “No buts. Yes, you did awful things, but no one is going to punish you more than you are going to punish yourself, but you can also redeem yourself. If there was no redemption for anyone, then every criminal should just be executed because the time they’ll spend in prison would be pointless. I do believe you can be redeemed, despite your stupid big mouth.”
    I felt like there was an elephant sitting on my chest and a large lump had formed in my throat. I had not cried since I was a kid, but I felt myself on the verge of tears. I started taking very deep breaths to help fight it off. Lily rolled over and crawled across the bed until she was close enough to rest her hand on my bare chest. She didn’t say anything, but I appreciated the gesture. I usually didn’t like to be touched by anyone who wasn’t my mom or Emmy, but Lily’s hand was comforting at a time when I thought being comforted was impossible. Maybe because I didn’t think anyone wanted to comfort me.
    After a while, the weight on my chest wasn’t so heavy and the lump in my throat began to dissolve. Lily’s eyes were closed, but I wasn’t sure if she was actually sleeping or not.
    “Lil?” I whispered.
    “Hmm?”
    “I never said you were unattractive.”
    She groaned. “Instead of apologizing for groping my ass and yelling at me, you’re going back to that ?”
    I sighed, slightly frustrated. “I am sorry, but I’m…I’m like that. I have asshole tendencies. I’ve been trying to work on it since Emmy laid into me about it, but I don’t think it’s ever going to go away.”
    “Probably not,” she murmured. “But then again, that’s a big part that makes you so appealing and attractive to women. Some of us like aggression in our men.”
    I was once again reminded that she liked me, and now I had some idea why, but I didn’t focus on that. Not quite.
    “I’m not sorry for grabbing your ass,” I said firmly.
    “If I could open my eyes, I’d be rolling them right