reading of the Mussolini situation and with regards the ball both Timmy and I will value it very highly.
Iâm close to paying for it but I do have a slight issue. Surprise, surprise, my wifeâs being a right pain in the arse. Sheâs bleating that footballers are a bad influence on Timmy because they are always spitting and talking about themselves in the âthird personâ and she would rather that we buy him a football signed by doctors and lawyers. Dominic, you actually met these guys âmano-oh-oh-manoâ. What were they like? A decent mob?
PS Sorry about any misunderstanding over Jerryâs health. My neighbour Frank thought he saw him on Casualty.
Bob
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From: Dominic Jones
To: Bob Servant
Subject: They were all OK
Dear Bob
I hear all you say and am sorry for what you are passing through. Women are always the same everywhere, the only thing in life is endurance. Football players are like us they are human with body and fl esh the only thing different is they are celebrities through profession. In every occupation you have good and bad people so I took my time to select the ones I met. I interacted with every single one and they are all good and friendly people. I understand what your wife says but please tell her they have good conscience and attitude. Please advice today if you can pay for the ball as I am shortly travelling to Canada on business issue to sell my merchandise.
Dominic Jones
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From: Bob Servant
To: Dominic Jones
Subject: That Should Shut Her Up
Dominic,
Thanks so much. I have passed all this onto my wife and even she had to stop her whining and admit that the players sound like not bad lads. I did have one more question on that front, Dominic, I noticed that Paul Scholes was in the dressing room and signed the ball and jersey. Itâs just that he chucked playing for England a few years back 13 so I was just wondering what he was doing there? Had he lost his dog?
Yours,
Bob
PS The Canada thing was a bit of a ânamedropâ was it not? Me and Frank are thinking of heading to Pitlochry at the weekend to look for skirt but you wonât hear us banging on about it!
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From: Dominic Jones
To: Bob Servant
Subject: Back From Canada
Dear Bob
Thank you I am now back from Canada and I am pleased to say that I did many business while there and there was a lot of interest in my merchandise. The people there wanted this ball but I said of course that it was for you only. So Bob it is fair that you should pay for it now.
Paul Scholes was in the FIFA dressing room because he is friends with these players so of course he is allowed to visit them.
Dominic Jones
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From: Bob Servant
To: Dominic Jones
Subject: Iâm interested
Dominic,
Glad to hear the one-day trip from Hong Kong to Canada went well. By my sums you must have been there for a little under an hour and I think itâs very much a âwell doneâ to you that you managed to do so much business in that time. Paul Scholes is a player who has done everything he could possibly have done in his career. If he should choose to spend his summer holidays hanging around dressing rooms then thatâs fine by me.
I have parentsâ evening tonight at Timmyâs school and will arrange payment for the ball tomorrow.
Bob
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From: Dominic Jones
To: Bob Servant
Subject: This Is Your Ball Remember
OK Bob, here again is the ball and it is ready for you now. Please let me know right away when you send the money. Sometimes I wonder from what I am seeing if it true you want the ball.
Dominic
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From: Bob Servant
To: Dominic Jones
Subject: Penpal
Dominic,
Right, the goalposts have shifted a little here, if youâll pardon the pun. Iâm just back from parentsâ evening and that little bugger Timmy has fallen seriously behind with his homework and his mum is giving me absolute dogâs
L. Sprague de Camp, Catherine Crook de Camp
Volume 2 The Eugenics Wars