What's Done In the Dark Read Online Free PDF Page A

“I have no idea what that means.”
    She sighed like she had to break something down to me. “You’re not going to know how good you got it till you ain’t got it no more. You gonna look up and some other woman is gonna have your man.”
    I couldn’t help but laugh at that. “Nah, I know Steven. He’s a lot of things, but he wouldn’t cheat on me.”
    My mother narrowed her eyes. “I told you. Never say what somebody wouldn’t do.”
    “Well, I trust my husband,” I said pointedly.
    “Okay, but just know, you walk around here in a constant funk, mad at the world, taking it out on your kids and husband. Someone wants to deal with that for only so long. It’s no wonder Steven is never here. I don’t blame him. I wouldn’t want to lay with you and your funky attitude either.”
    I was shocked. “Whose side are you on anyway?”
    “I’m always on your side, but I’m on the side of righteousness first.” She threw her hands up. “Hallelujah.” I pointed to her bingo stamp on her hand. She licked her thumb, then wiped it off. “I’m just saying, Mama knowsbest. And you best get it together. Talk to your husband. Tell him your concerns. Maybe you guys can find something you enjoy—besides running all over the country starring in one of those chitlin circuit plays. But you need to find something outside of the home that brings you joy. I guarantee you that man will do whatever it takes to make you happy. And once you find that, give as much to your husband as you give to your kids. Everyday life is terrible for love. Love needs time, and time is the air love breathes, and people have no time.”
    I stared at my mother, impressed. “Wow, that was deep, Mom.”
    “I know a little sumthin’, sumthin’.” She stood and winked. “I hope you heed what I’m telling you. But now I’m going to look up some Bible verses on money. Maybe I’m not praying right.”
    I would’ve laughed at her, but her words were weighing heavily on me. Was I pushing my husband away? Was I blaming my family because I wanted to wallow in pity? Was I not giving my marriage the time we needed to grow our love? I sat in silence as my mother’s words sank in. Something inside me said that she was right. Maybe I was the problem. Maybe I needed to make a change.
    The more I sat thinking, the more I decided my mother was spot on. So tomorrow would be a new day. I didn’t know how, but I was going to end this pity party and try to focus on making my husband—and me—happy.

6
    Felise
    MY BRAIN AND MY BODY were in a tug of war. My brain said to go left toward the exit, but my body went right toward the elevator. Before I knew it, I was standing outside room 527, tears streaming down my face.
    I knew that I needed to take my butt home.
    But I needed this more. I needed to feel Steven again. If only for one night. I needed to know what it felt like to be loved on every inch of my body. Three long years ago was the last time I’d been taken to the heights of pleasure. I’d tried everything to talk to Greg: therapy—which he refused to go to—talking, books, everything. And still he wouldn’t listen. He couldn’t accept that my needs weren’t being met. And he was insulted that I would insinuate that he wasn’t doing his manly duties. He kept asking me to cut him some slack because of how hard he was working for me and our daughter, Liz.
    I needed love. I needed loving .
    I took a deep breath, then told myself if Greg had loved me right, I wouldn’t be here about to do wrong.
    I was crossing into dangerous territory. But in my heart, I was looking forward to going inside, anticipating what the night held.
    You loved him first.
    The little voice that had been guiding me up the elevator spoke up, as if to give me that one last push before I changed my mind.
    I dipped the key into the lock, then walked in to see Steven sitting nervously on the edge of the bed. He was still fully dressed and looked like he had completely sobered up.