Truly Tasteless Jokes Two Read Online Free PDF Page A

woman.”
    “I say,” said the British representative, “we’ve spent thirty thousand pounds and are quite sure that the shape is in order to give maximum pleasure to the man.”
    “We’ve spent a million bucks,” drawled the American, “and there’s no further doubt about the fact that it’s that shape so your hand doesn’t slip off the end.”
    *
    What’s the dumbest part of a man?
His prick. (It’s got no brains, its best friends are two nuts, and it lives next door to an asshole.)
    *
    When Paddy O’Brian died, Father Flannigan was there to console the bereaved widow. “You know, Molly, the whole community is here to help you through this time of sorrow,” he said, “and of course you know I’ll do anything I can for you.”
    Parting her veil and drying her tear-stained cheeks, the widow whispered a single request in Father Flannigan’s ear. The priest blushed scarlet and refused outright, but the widow continued her pleas and finally he gave in. He left, saying, “Give me twenty-four hours.”
    The next day he showed up at the house with something in a brown paper bag.
    The widow popped the contents into a pot on the stove, and it was boiling away when a neighbor dropped by. “I say, Molly,” said the neighbor opening the lid, “isn’t that Paddy’s penis?”
    “Indeed it is,” said Molly. “All his life I had to eat it his way, and now I’m eating it mine.”
    *
    What three two-letter words can best dampen a man’s ardor in bed?
“Is it in?”
    *
    How can a real man tell when his girlfriend’s having an orgasm?
    Real men don’t care.
    *
    What’s a guy with a 12-inch cock have for breakfast?
Well, this morning I had two eggs over easy, whole wheat toast, and coffee . . . .
    *
    What has a thousand teeth and eats wienies?
A zipper.
    *
    What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato?
A dicktater.
    *
    Did you hear about the guy who got his vasectomy done at Sears?
Every time he gets a hard-on, the garage door goes up.
    *
    A woman sought the advice of a sex therapist, confiding that she found it increasingly difficult to find a man who could satisfy her, and that it was very wearisome getting in and out of all these short-term relationships. “Isn’t there some way to judge the size of a man’s equipment from the outside?” she asked earnestly.
    “The only foolproof way,” counseled the therapist, “is by the size of his feet.”
    So the woman went downtown and proceeded to cruise the streets, until she came across a young fellow standing in an unemployment line with the biggest feet she had ever laid eyes on. She took him out to dinner, wined and dined him, and then took him back to her apartment for an evening of abandon.
    When the man woke up the next morning, the woman had already gone out. By the bedside table was a $50 bill and a note that read, “With my compliments, take this money and go out and buy a pair of shoes that fit you.”
    *
    What’s the difference between anxiety and panic?
Anxiety is the first time you can’t do it a second time, and panic is the second time you can’t do it the first time.
    *
    This 600-pound guy decides he can’t go on living this way, so he seeks the help of a clinic and proceeds to go on a drastic diet. It works: four months later he’s down to 160 pounds and feeling great, except for one problem. He’s covered with great folds of flesh where the fat used to be.
    He calls up the clinic, and the doctor tells him not to worry. “There’s a special surgical procedure to correct this condition,” the doctor assures him. “Just come on over to the clinic.”
    “But doctor,” says the one-time fatty, “you don’t understand. I’m too embarrassed to be seen in public like this.”
    “Don’t give it another thought,” says the doctor. “Simply pull up all the folds as high as they’ll go, pile the flesh on top of your head, put on a top hat, and come on over.”
    The guy follows the instructions and provokes no comments until he