The Unexpurgated Diary of a Shanghai Baby Read Online Free PDF Page A

gentleman.
April twenty-second
    Nice day. Mama took accounts with cook this morning, and when papa came home at noon she showed him grocery bill.
    â€œDo you think we could have eaten as much as that?” she said.
    â€œNot unless we kept an orphan asylum,” said papa, reading total. “He must have added in the average annual rainfall and the gross tonnage of the Empress of Asia.”
    â€œWe’d better not be too hard on him,” said mama. “Maybe we do eat more than we realize. Only this morning he showed me that the coffee can was empty again.”
    Guess cook didn’t mention dipping out of can every day to fill two other cans on shelf. Probably amah will keep me out of kitchen when family begins to understand my language.
April twenty-third
    Raining. Mama and papa talked at breakfast about dinner they will give next week for taipan. Mama said that they will have to invite one more man and suggested friend in mess.
    â€œI’ve heard people say that he’s pretty good in a party,” said mama.
    â€œHe is in some ways but I’ve noticed that when the chits come around, he always gets writers’ cramp,” said papa.
    Mama said that they would have to ask him, as there wasn’t much time left, and that she would send coolie over with note.
    â€œIf you’re in a hurry, you’d better mail it,” said papa, starting for office.
    Mama went out herself soon afterwards, because she told Auntie that she was going to try to find a spring hat under fifty dollars that didn’t look as if it had gone through the Kansu earthquake.
April twenty-third (afternoon)
    Still raining in afternoon. Lady who writes poetry called after tiffin and asked papa if he had observed the evidences of spring.
    â€œYes,” said papa, “I’ve noticed that all the drugstores have taken in the cold remedies and are featuring the cholera cures.”
    â€œHaven’t you observed other indications ?” asked lady, looking disappointed.
    â€œThe ricsha coolies are taking off more clothes,” said papa.
    â€œBut surely you feel a thrill of happiness because winter is over,” lady said. “Doesn’t it mean somethingto you?”
    â€˜It means something to me, but it doesn’t give me a thrill of happiness,” papa answered, “It means that pretty soon I’ll have to wear a monkey-jacket, and every time I put one on, I feel that I ought to pick up the card-tray and page somebody.”
    Mama came downstairs just then, and papa sneaked out toward Race Course. Wish he’d take me some time. Tired of going to park and hearing amahs talk about new family that just moved to Frenchtown.
April twenty-fourth
    Sunday, sat on floor in living room and heard family talk about next-door automobile.
    â€œI wish we had a car,” said mama, looking out window.
    â€œWhy?” asked papa. “We don’t know anybody in Woosung.”
    â€œThere are plenty of places to go besides Woosung,” said mama.
    â€œNo place that I know except the Rubicon,” said papa, “and I’ve been around that so many times that I don’t wonder Julius Caesar got impatient and crossed it instead.”
    â€œIt isn’t so much a question of where you can go as the impression a motor car makes on members of thecommunity,” mama answered.
    Papa said yes, that most cars did make impressions on members of the community, but they were usually made on Chinese members that didn’t jump fast enough.
    Mama picked up fashion-paper and turned leaves with rattle.
April twenty-fourth, later
    Had pleasant nap upstairs, but woke up later and saw coolie trying on mama’s new spring hat before mirror. I’d just like to catch him putting on my bonnet!

Chapter V
    In Which the Baby Finds That a Dinner Party Takes as Much Preparation as a Battle and is About the Same Thing in the End … The Diplomatic House-Boy Gets a Line on the Taipan’s