The Unexpurgated Diary of a Shanghai Baby Read Online Free PDF Page B

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    Cook cross because people ate so much that he had nothing left over for cousins. Family living today on salted peanuts, fudge, and ripe olives. Glad we don’t have dinners often.
April twenty-eighth
    Had interesting morning sitting on living-room floor and trying new tooth on carved wood screen.Heard mama remark that she had met papa’s friend and that he looked as if he were going to be best man at a hanging.
    â€œHe is upset because he is going home on the Golden State,” said papa.
    He is afraid his suitcases will leak. “Is the Golden State going to be dry?” asked mama.
    â€œTheoretically, yes,” said papa, “but thus far there have been 103 more tons of baggage than freight shipped on board, and practically all of it would splash if roughly handled.”
    â€œBut won’t they be caught by the Department of Justice when they land in San Francisco?” asked mama.
    â€œOh, no,” said papa. “By the time they reach San Francisco, it will be a case for the Department of the Interior.”
    Spent part of afternoon sitting in pen on porch and hearing mama tell the neighbor lady that her hair had come out something terrible since living in Shanghai and that pretty soon she would not have enough for sidepuffs.
April twenty-eighth
    Papa came home later feeling very happy, and said that he had seen friend off on Golden State.
    â€œHe must have unpacked his suit-cases rather soon,” mama remarked.
    â€œOh no,” said papa, looking at self in glass. “All the Elijahs who tried to protect themselves against the drought will have a lot more than a little oil. They put a bar on at Hongkong.”
    Mama said that she was glad there was a place where papa’s friend could settle down with his knitting and feel at home.

Chapter VI
    In Which the Baby, Hears about the Carlton and Proposals … Papa Tries Going in a Pool … Auntie has Idea for Safe and Sane Bet … Bridge as a Means of Promoting Harmony.
April twenty-ninth
    Not much doing today. Spent part of morning in basement, hearing coolie play music on Chinese fiddle. Very good noise. Couldn’t do better myself.
April twenty-ninth
    Auntie upset today because she heard Bertie was going with girl in Frenchtown. Papa asked if Auntie had ever seen her.
    â€œYes, she was at the Carlton the other night,” said Auntie. “She was the one who didn’t have enough clothes on and who danced so funny.”
    â€œYou don’t expect me to pick her out from that, do you?” asked papa. “The description fits ninety percent of the women there.”
    Auntie said she thought girl’s dress was old-fashioned.
    â€œMost of them were dressed from the waist up in the most old-fashioned clothes there are,” said papa.
    Auntie said she thought papa was impolite and remarked that anyway she didn’t care about Bertie, as there were plenty of other men. “A man proposed to me on the boat coming over,” said Auntie.
    â€œWhat was the matter with him?” asked papa, “Was he seasick?”
    â€œHe was nothing of the sort,” said Auntie, with mad edge in voice. “He asked me to marry him the third day out.”
    â€œI’ll bet he didn’t say it loud enough for you to hear him,” said papa, eating 205th salted peanut.
    Auntie said that anyway she knew Cyril was in love with her, as she could tell by the way he looked at her when she wasn’t looking at him. Papa told her that her periscope seemed to be in pretty good working order, but that she ought to be careful not to get a kink in her neck.
April thirtieth
    Pleasant day. Amah, cook, houseboy, and coolie excited about something called sweep-stake. Nobody paid much attention to me, but not sorry as had found can of syrup that oozed at top.
    â€œI’m going in a Pool with the fellows at the office,”said papa, coming in for tiffin.
    â€œIsn’t it rather early for