The Ultimate Guide to Sex and Disability Read Online Free PDF Page A

deny their child's disability, and that denial can also be a barrier to developing a positive identity that includes disability.
    Being pushed to the edges of society because of being identified with a group is particularly hard for children, who often absorb the negative stereotypes of the group into their fledgling sense of who they are. It is important to think about the things we learned as children and the lessons we still carry with us. A positive interaction with friends, particularly in adolescence, can have a profound effect on developing a strong disabled identity. But as we buy into society's negative stereotypes of who we are, and have them constantly drummed into us, we may push ourselves beyond the limits to prove that we don't have a disability at all.
    There is another way: Instead of accepting the ideas we receive about disability, we can choose to call ourselves "disabled" and embrace an identity that brings us power, confidence, and pride.
    / don't think the idea of me being a sexual person has ever seriously crossed the minds of the people in my family To them oftentimes I think I'm seen more like a kid than a women even though I am 22.
    I've never felt particularly good about my looks or my sexuality/ sexiness. This is somewhat due to my mostly unsuccessful attempts

    DESIRE AND SELF-ESTEEM • 21
    at finding sexual partners. I'm getting better, but I ain't there yet! Sex is very important to me because I feel if people see me as a sexual person, they can truly accept me as a whole person.
    I have always felt very positively about my body and my disability, which has contributed greatly to my sex-positive outlook, and vice versa. Being born with a disability, I've never felt I was "missing" something.
    Coming Out as Disabled
    For years I did a lot of political
    work on different issues. Then I
    became sick and, after trying
    different treatments, realized
    that I wasn't going to get better.
    I was in denial for a long time,
    in the hopes that things would
    change. They didn't. I really saw
    for the first time how people
    treat people with disabilities —
    because that was how I was being treated. It was when I went to
    a conference with other women with disabilities that I realized that
    that was who I was, I was a woman living with a disability. It's still
    something that I'm getting used to in terms of how I see myself, but
    I feel less shame about getting what I need around accessibility and
    other things.
    FINDING MYSELF
    During my teen years I was sure that I would remain forever a virgin and despaired about myself. I would spend long hours looking at myself in the mirror convinced I was the ugliest thing ever to walk the planet. I contemplated killing myself and found it very difficult to enter parties or crowded rooms. I wore clothes that attempted to hide my body's missing parts and stood or sat in uncomfortable positions in a vain attempt to hide myself away.
    It all changed when I joined a drama group at the age of seventeen and was embraced by a large group of young people who found me no weirder than they were. We all romped around together and I began to see that just because I found myself a total freak didn't mean that everyone did, or that they found freakdom as repulsive as I did. Since those times my image of myself has changed dramatically. In fact, those people launched me on a sexual career of some note and variety.

    Coming out to ourselves as disabled can be an important step. The term coming out is usually reserved for people who are disclosing their sexual orientation or gender identity. For example, one might "come out" to family friends, or coworkers as gay, lesbian, bisexual, transsexual/ transgendered, or intersexed.
    The coming-out process is ordinarily something that happens after much reflection, soul searching, and personal exploration. It isn't the end of a journey but rather a point where you are finally accepting a particular identity for yourself and taking the risk of