The Teacher from Heck Read Online Free PDF Page B

to hang out when we’re not doing our four hours of homework.
    Skruloose was talking to some second graders. He was telling them his rules for how to relax. “Take deep breaths. Keep your legs marching in a fast tempo. Chest out. Back straight…”
    The second graders looked tense. They ran away as soon as my buddies and I entered the room.
    Mr. Skruloose turned to us. “Finished your homework already, soldiers? Maybe I should start giving more!”
    Time to turn on the charm. I held the pie up to Mr. Skruloose. “We baked this for you with our own hands, sir,” I said. “It’s our Welcome to Rotten House gift. Just our way of showing how much we care.”
    Skruloose blinked a couple of times. He stared at the pie. His neck muscles rippled. “That’s very nice of you soldiers,” he said.
    â€œSee? It’s working!” I whispered to my buddies. “I told you!”
    Mr. Skruloose took one of Feenman’s forks. He dipped it into the pie, pulled out a big hunk, and shoved it into his mouth.
    â€œEnjoy it, sir,” I said. “We worked hard on it because we all like you so much.”
    Skruloose took another forkful, then another. He made loud chewing noises and gulped when he swallowed.
    â€œNot bad, soldiers,” he said. “Mmm. Not bad. What kind of pie is this?”
    â€œIt’s peanut-butter pie, sir,” I said. “We crushed the peanuts ourselves. Nothing is too good for you, sir!”
    Mr. Skruloose let out a hoarse cry. Then he spit a glob of pie across the room.
    â€œIs anything the matter, sir?” I asked.
    â€œARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME? I’M ALLERGIC TO PEANUTS!” he screamed. “If I eat only one tiny peanut, my head swells up like a balloon, my skin peels off, and my eyes start twirling in my head.”

    He stuck a finger down his throat and made gross gagging sounds.
    â€œPerhaps we made a bad choice, sir,” I said. “But it’s the thought that counts—right? Our hearts were in the right place.”

    He let out an angry scream. I don’t think my charm was working.
    â€œAll three of you—” he shouted. “Thirty laps around the house while I run to the nurse and have my stomach pumped!”
    He ran out the front door screaming.
    I turned to my buddies. “Okay, okay,” I said. “Plan B.”

Chapter 14
P LAN B
    But I didn’t have a Plan B.
    I thought about it all day. We couldn’t charm Skruloose. We had to get rid of him. But how ?
    I was still thinking about it after dinner in my room while Belzer massaged my toes. See, sometimes when I think too hard, I get toe cramps. Luckily, Belzer is around to do his magic-fingers trick and loosen up my toe muscles.
    Good kid, Belzer.
    He was down on the floor, concentrating on my little piggies. “Belzer, what’s that T-shirt you’rewearing?” I asked. “Let me see it.”
    He raised himself so I could read the front of the shirt.
    PLEASE SLAP MY FACE “Belzer, that’s a loser shirt,” I said.
    He blinked. “You think so?”
    â€œIt’s totally gross,” I said. “Where did you get it?”
    â€œIt was a birthday present,” he replied. “From my grandma.”
    â€œCover it up,” I said. “I’m trying to think. There’s gotta be a way to get rid of Skruloose.”
    Belzer went to work on the little baby toes. “Gentle! Gentle!” I said. “They’re attached to my feet, you know!”
    â€œI have an idea,” Belzer said. “Mrs. Heinie quit because she got flattened by a water balloon—right?”
    â€œRight,” I said.
    â€œSo why don’t we drop one on Skruloose?” Belzer said. “Then he’ll quit, too.”
    I patted him on the head. “Belzer, I warned you, remember? Your brain is not quite ripe enough for thinking. Maybe in a year or two. Until then you should rest it,