The Mummyfesto Read Online Free PDF Page A

worried about. It’s a bloody good school,’ I said. ‘Everyone knows that. That’s why you took the job, remember?’
    Paul had only been there two years. His first job in a special school after years at a mainstream primary.
    ‘I know. I just can’t bear the thought of letting those kids down.’ I turned to look at him. The emotion clearly bubbling up behind his normally smiling blue eyes.
    ‘You’re a soft bugger for a Yorkshireman, Paul Crabtree. Probably why I married you, mind. The kids adore you. The parents do too. I can’t see how you could possibly have put any more into that job than you have done.’
    ‘Thanks, love,’ he said stroking my hair. ‘I’ll just be glad when it’s all over. When I can get back to teaching instead of worrying about bloody form-filling.’ Paul smiled at me and wiped his eyes. Took a moment or two to compose himself.
    ‘How was your mum? I haven’t had a chance to ask.’
    ‘Oh. You know.’ Paul nodded and squeezed my shoulder.
    ‘Look, I know you don’t want to, but maybe it’s time you did look into a home. You can’t keep going over and getting her back in house. And you can’t lock her in either.’
    ‘Sometimes I wish I could tether her like a goat,’ I said. ‘Just enough slack to let her get the food she needs, but not enough for her to sample the grass on the other side of the fence.’
    ‘Is it worth getting on to the council again? See if they can do another review of her care?’
    ‘I will do. I think I know what their answer will be, though. It’s not long since last one.’
    It was simply a matter of putting off the inevitable, I knew that. Maybe the truth was that I didn’t want to be the one who took that decision, I wanted someone else to do it for me. After all Mum had been through, I couldn’t bear to be the one who took something away from her. Something she held so dear.
    ‘The thing is, you’ve got to look after yourself as well, love. This can’t be helping you.’
    I knew exactly what he was getting at. I’d read enough how-to-get-pregnant books to know they all had a chapter on reducing stress. None of them, however, had a subsequent chapter on how you were supposed to achieve this if your mother had Alzheimer’s and refused to go into a home.
    ‘It’s probably something else that’s stopping it happening. At least when we go for tests we’ll find out.’
    Paul went to say something, then stopped himself. It had been my idea to finally go for the tests. Paul had put me off, citing various reasons over the years: that there was no need to rush, that he wanted to enjoy Alice first, that these things took time, that we were probably trying too hard. Until eventually he’d run out of reasons why he didn’t think we should go. Apart from the obvious one that had been there all along. The one that neither of us spoke about.
    ‘It might not be that straightforward, remember. They can’t always give a reason for these things.’
    ‘Apart from us being on the wrong side of forty, you mean?’
    Paul smiled. Squeezed my hand.
    ‘Look, if you still want to us go through with it, I will. Just as long as you know it’s not too late to change your mind.’
    I smiled back at him. I loved that he wanted to protect me from the hurt. But I also knew that sometimes you couldn’t just put your fingers in your ears and sing ‘la, la, la, la’ at the top of your voice to block out somethingyou needed to hear. Even if you didn’t have a bloody clue how you were going to react when you heard it.

    The other side of the bed was empty when the alarm woke me the next morning. I knew exactly where Paul would be, though. I showered quickly, hurried downstairs and made coffee before taking a mug into him in the study.
    ‘Thank you, you’re a star,’ he said, looking up briefly from his paperwork and smiling.
    ‘So are you, remember?’ I said.
    ‘Are you OK getting Alice ready? I want to go in early.’ By early he meant even earlier than