The First Time is the Hardest: An Austin Brothers Novella (Austin Brothers Series Book 1) Read Online Free PDF Page A

into step beside him. We turned the corner, and his parents’ house came into view. Panic clawed its way up my throat. I hadn’t seen them since the funeral, since I’d fled to the meadow. How could I possibly face them?
    “You want us to go to your parents?” My eyes widened.
    He scoffed and pointed at his car. “We need wheels.”
    We did?
    Where in the hell was he planning to take me?
    “Ryan, I'm not sure-”
    “Come, don't come, whatever. But I'm going.” He glared at me, and I froze in place. Something about the emptiness in his eyes terrified me, and I got a glimpse of the Ryan I’d known when we were younger. The quiet, hostile boy who didn’t enjoy small talk.
    “I-”
    Ryan raked a hand through his hair before shaking his head. “Whatever. I'm out of here.” He rounded his car and climbed inside.
    It felt like the air was being sucked from my lungs. A few minutes in his presence and I'd been able to breathe easier, but now, the suffocating feeling that I’d grown so used to was returning.
    “Wait.” I rushed to the car and opened the passenger door. “I'm coming, okay.”
    He nodded and turned the key in the ignition. The car roared to life, and before I could change my mind, we were on the highway and Radeno was left fading in the rear view mirror.
    ~
    We ended up in a dive bar on the outskirts of town. Ryan seated me at a booth in the back of the room before getting us drinks.
    “Aren't you driving?”
    “Not tonight.”
    “What the hell, Ryan? How will I get back to Radeno?”
    He shrugged, staring into his beer.
    “Great. This is just great,” I murmured stirring the straw around in my drink, unsure whether I wanted this.
    “They said they wished it had been me in the accident.”
    My hand paused and I sucked in a sharp breath. “Yo- your parents?”
    He nodded, downed the rest of his drink, and slid out of the booth, heading for the bar.
    Oh, Ryan.
    Carol and Peter were hurting, grieving the loss of their child. Lucas always was their favorite, he was everyone's favorite, but how could they say that to him?
    When Ryan returned, he placed two shots on the table as well as another beer. I glanced up at him and said, “Are you sure this is a good idea?”
    “My mom just told me she wished I'd died and he'd lived, and do you know what? Even I have days where I think that, so yeah, I think this the best fucking idea I’ve had in a while.”
    I winced. Anger and pain rolled off him in waves, and before I could stop myself, I reached out and laid my hand over his. Ryan tensed, his jaw ticking. “Why are you here with me, Mila? You've never given a shit about me before.”
    He was right. I hadn't. We were never close; we didn't talk or hang out. But he was Lucas’s brother.
    “You understand what it's like. He left us, Ryan. Both of us.”
    Ryan didn't reply. He lifted his glass and drank it down, eyeing the shot in front of me. I slid it across to him, and he drank that one too. When he set the glass down, he mumbled, “To Lucas, the best fucking brother there ever was.”
    I sipped my drink, but it wasn't enough, and before long, I'd downed the mixer. The alcohol burned my throat, but it didn't matter.
    Nothing mattered.
    For the next hour, Ryan kept bringing us drinks, and I kept drinking them. He was buzzed; I could tell by the way that he slumped into the booth each time he returned. I felt a little lightheaded, but it wasn't until I went in search of the restrooms that the full effect of the alcohol hit me. I stumbled across the bar, holding out a hand to steady me. When I burst into the restroom, I caught my reflection in the mirror.
    It wasn't good.
    The girl staring back was unrecognizable. Her eyes were swollen and red, and her hair was unkempt and dragged back into a messy ponytail. And there was no smile on her face. She looked sad.
    So sad.
    Broken.
    I peed, washed my hands, and returned to Ryan. He was hunched over his cell phone, fingers flying across the screen. When he