The Dead School Read Online Free PDF Page A

and saw the face of Nobby Caslin glaring at him along with ten or eleven others that he realized he’d gone and stuck his big size
twelves right in it. Nobby gripped the bowl of his pipe until his knuckles turned white. ‘If I ever hear another word about that funeral,’ he hissed through his teeth. ‘If I ever
so much as hear another fucking word about it—!’
    For a minute or two it looked like he was about to collapse or something but then, almost inaudibly, he continued, ‘I swear to God as long as I live I never want to hear another word about
it. Do you hear what I’m saying? It was one of the worst days I ever remember in this town. Every time I think of it I get sick to my stomach and that’s the truth. So maybe now, Peter,
maybe just once in your life you’d do the right thing and shut up about it. Do you think you could do that, Peter – do you? Mm?’
    Peter did think that. Of course he could shut up about it. As a matter of fact, not only could he shut up about it but he hadn’t the slightest intention of mentioning it ever again as long
as he lived. Which was what he was about to say to Nobby before the latter pushed right past him and went off out the door without so much as another word.
    After that, everybody started talking about something else just in case the subject of Mrs McAdoo and the funeral might somehow come up again. Which was interesting, thought Malachy, seeing as
how not so very long ago, it was all anyone had ever wanted to talk about. You could hardly walk up the street then without someone mentioning Mrs McAdoo and what had happened in the graveyard that
day. Now, by the looks of things, you daren’t open your trap, for if you did Nobby Caslin or his ilk would be halfway down your throat shouting, ‘Don’t talk to me! You and Mrs
McAdoo! Do you think we’ve had no other funerals in this town, do you not? Shut up about it! We want to hear no more about her or her carry-on! Do you hear me now! Shut up you and
her!’
    That, I am afraid, was what you could expect if you opened your gob about Mrs McAdoo. Which certainly made it clear in no uncertain terms just how important her forty years on earth had
been.

Little Chubbies
    What happened was she woke up in the middle of the night and heard her baby crying. Not just ordinary crying, but crying that would put you out of your mind. She wasn’t
really sure what to do because little Thomas was her first baby and that was why at the crack of dawn she went up to the doctor. ‘Don’t you be worrying your head, Mrs,’ the doctor
said, ‘babies – if they don’t get one thing they get another. You just make sure to give him this medicine and come tomorrow night he’ll be right as rain you’ll
see.’
    When she heard this she was as happy as Larry again and no matter who she met on her way down the street she said, ‘I’m a cod to be worrying my head. The doctor gave me a tonic and
he says by tomorrow night he’ll be right as rain.’ By the time she got home she was so delighted with herself and so happy that she felt like having a party in the house to celebrate
her son Thomas’s visit to the doctor. Which would have been premature because by the time tomorrow night came around, far from being right as rain, his crying was worse than ever and on top
of that he was white as a ghost. When she saw that, a spike of fear went shooting through her. ‘My baby is going to die,’ she thought to herself. But she pulled herself together.
‘What am I talking about or what is wrong with me? Didn’t the doctor tell me there is nothing wrong with him. Nothing in the slightest. Run down – that’s what he is. I know
what I’ll do. I’ll take another walk up to the surgery just to be on the safe side.’
    Which is exactly what she did. The doctor gave her more medicine and no sooner had she said goodbye to him and gone off down the street than she was laughing and smiling away with the
neighbours, just like old