such as local handmade produce); it is like a drug
to them. That was it then. We unanimously decided to forget
Studley, and concentrate on Oversley Green. It would serve them
right for having Rolls Royces.
Claude’s Scuba
Lake idea went like this.
We actually
have two rivers. The Arrow, as already mentioned and the Alne,
which joins it. The River Alne meanders almost alongside Oversley
Green, so Claude thought that if we ran a garden hose from the
river to Oversley Green one night, we could siphon the water
through and create our lake like that. ‘Maybe we could use a fire
brigade hose!’ Shouted someone from the back of the room ... which
was a bit silly, but it was noted.
Of course, that
means the jewellery would be much finer on the corpses and in
drawers (nor simply costume jewellery and cheap bling as would have
been the case with Studley), and so we could charge the jewellery
and general treasure collecting divers much more.
This idea won a
free strip of raffle tickets, but on this occasion Claude was not
fortunate enough to win any of the fantastic prizes, which included
a picture frame made from plastic pegs, by Peggy (73). She calls
them Peggy’s Plastic Peg Picture Pframes (silent P), and they are
available in about five different colours (we don’t think anyone in
Oversley Green owns one, but there could be one or two in
Studley).
She calls this
little venture 6p enterprises, but warns anyone interested that 6p
doesn’t mean they cost 6p (just thought that was worth mentioning
in case of confusion). Peggy says that if you buy one (98p) and get
fed up of it (as you may do if you don’t drink alcohol regularly),
just soak it in warm water for a while, which will weaken the flour
and water glue (cleverly coloured to the same colour as the pegs
using food colouring), take the frame apart, and use the pegs to
hang your washing out.
Angela (57),
then pointed out that no one she knew had a mouth big enough to go
over the end of a fire engine’s hosepipe, although a few local
gossips she knew came pretty ‘damn’ close.
Adam (87),
misheard, got a little confused, and said that building a dam was a
good idea, as he had worked in a biscuit factory once.
Senility is fun
isn’t it!
He was given
the picture frame to shut him up. He promptly threw it on the floor
and broke it, then returned to the sanctuary of sleep. Mamie
(84) , put forward a proposal that it was a
good job he didn’t snore. We voted, and decided she was correct in
her statement. Instead of a free strip of raffle tickets as a
reward, she said she was happy to take the pegs, as she was having
to double up at home (i.e. two shirts to one peg), as most of hers
had broken. We all took a minute or two to pick them up for her, as
they had scattered everywhere.
When we had all
sat down again, Claude raised his hand and requested a chance to
finish. We all agreed that he should, and so, he carried on.
Apparently, if we ran the fire hose from the river, across the
Stratford Road, and onto the outskirts of Oversley Green, we could
then cut a thinner garden hose into twelve inch pieces, and stick
five or six of them into the end. These could be sealed into the
fire hose using bathroom sealer, and upon drying (which would
probably be the next night, so we would have to cover the end of
the hose with grass and things in order to save ourselves from
being rumbled), eight of us could go back, and the six with the
strongest lungs could take a hose each in their mouth, and on a
continuous count of five, all suck for five seconds … etc., the
others could act as lookouts.
This sounded
like a good idea, until our youngest member Apple Blossom Sunset,
13 , piped up, and said that what if, when
the water was close to the business end of the hose, a lorry ran
over the hose? Water squirting out of several sets of ears
perhaps?
After a vote,
this seemed like something that could happen, yet Apple Blossom
refused either a strip of raffle tickets, or even her