The Customer Is Not Always Right: Hilarious and Horrific Tales of Customers Gone Wrong Read Online Free PDF Page A

prices.”
    C USTOMER : “You know what, it doesn’t matter! I’ll just pay the entire dollar for it. Fifty cents is not a huge deal! God!”
    (My coworker looks at me and shrugs. We take the customer’s money and she leaves angrily.)
     
     
    C OWORKER : “What books did she decide not to get?”
    M E : *reading the title* “How to Talk So People Will Listen.”

THE LION, THE WITCH, AND THE SUPPLY CABINET
    C OFFEE S HOP | B OSTON , M ASSACHUSETTS
     
    (Note: The women’s bathroom in our store has a large handicapped stall, which also holds an eight-foot-tall locked wooden storage cabinet for supplies.)
     
     
    C OWORKER : “Thanks for calling *** Coffee, how can I help you?”
    C USTOMER : “Hi, is this *** Coffee?”
    C OWORKER : “Yes it is. How can I help you?”
    C USTOMER : “This is the *** Coffee in *** Square?”
    C OWORKER : “Yes, it is.”
    C USTOMER : “The one with the bathroom?”
    C OWORKER : “Uhhh … yes?”
    C USTOMER : “Oh, well, I’m calling from the women’s room. The door is locked and I can’t get out.”
    C OWORKER : “Well, if you turn the handle of the door and pull it should open.”
    C USTOMER : “There is no handle! I’m locked in!”
    C OWORKER : “Okay, I’ll have someone over in a moment.”
    C OWORKER, TO ME : “Ummm … so some lady locked herself in the bathroom and can’t get out.”
    M E : “Seriously?”
    (I head over to the bathroom, letting myself in with the spare keys. There is in fact a woman in the large stall, yelling for help.)
     
     
    M E : “Can I help you, ma’am?”
    C USTOMER : “Well, your stupid door locked me into the stall and now I’m stuck in here!”
    (I can hear her fumbling with something, but it isn’t the stall door latch.)
     
     
    M E : “Okay, well, if you’ll just come over to the stall door, turning the knob should open it.”
    C USTOMER : “There is nothing to turn! The door only has a handle!”
    M E : “It does. I’m standing on the other side of it.”
    C USTOMER : “Well, then why don’t YOU open it! You’ve already kept me locked in here for a half hour!”
    (I fiddle with the lock and manage to open it from the outside after a moment, only to see the woman prying at the supply cabinet door.)
     
     
    C USTOMER : “Oh, I came in this door. I thought that one …” *points to supply cabinet* “… led to the men’s room.”
    (Without another word, she walks out of the bathroom and out of the store.)
     
     
    C OWORKER : “Maybe she was trying to get to Narnia?”

DUMB & DUMBEST
    B ANK | S OUTH C AROLINA
     
    M E : “Hello this is ***. How can I help you?”
    C USTOMER : “I need to speak with Jennifer.”
    M E : “I’m sorry, we don’t have a Jennifer at this branch.”
    C USTOMER : “Oh, wait…Jennifer is MY name!”

THE NOT-SO-DIFFICULT ART OF MISDIRECTION
    F ENCING C LUB | C ANADA
     
    M E : “Hello, ****** Fencing Club.”
    C USTOMER : “Hi, I’m looking for some galvanized pipe.”
    M E : “I’m sorry, I think you may be confused. This is a fencing club … you know, the sport. We don’t actually make fences.”
    C USTOMER : “Oh … you see, I’m making a cage for a parrot. Do you have any galvanized pipe?”
    M E : “No, I don’t think you understand. We don’t have material for building fences, we do sword fighting here. It’s a sport. Foils, epees, sabers.”
    C USTOMER : “Oh, okay … it needs to be galvanized so that it won’t chip if the parrot bites it.”
    M E : “I don’t think you’re following me. We don’t build fences here, and we don’t have pipe.”
    C USTOMER : “Oh, I see … you see, I need to make the cage for a movie set, and it needs to be galvanized so that it doesn’t chip if the parrot bites it.”
    M E : *giving up* “Galvanized pipe, you say?”
    C USTOMER : “Yeah.”
    M E : “Try the Soccer Center.”
    C USTOMER : “The Soccer Center?”
    M E : “Yeah, the Soccer Center.”

PICK-UP LINES FOR THE GOLDEN YEARS
    D RUGSTORE | N EW J