The Customer Is Not Always Right: Hilarious and Horrific Tales of Customers Gone Wrong Read Online Free PDF

ERSEY
     
    (I’m eighteen, working at a local drugstore, when a customer in his seventies comes in.)
     
     
    C USTOMER : “WOW, you’re beautiful!”
    M E : “Oh, thank you.”
    C USTOMER : “How old are you?”
    M E : “Um, eighteen.”
    C USTOMER : “Wow! You know, I have golf balls that old!”

     

RENAMED: THE IPOD PLEASE TOUCH THE FRIGGING SCREEN
    E LECTRONICS S TORE | T ORONTO , C ANADA
     
    C USTOMER : “Hello, I just bought this iPod, and I can’t make it go.”
    M E : “What’s the problem?”
    C USTOMER : “It won’t go.”
    M E : “Okay, how exactly?”
    C USTOMER : “IT WON’T GO.”
    M E : “Can I see your iPod?”
    (The customer takes out an iPod Touch and shows it to me. I turn it on and open up Safari.)
     
     
    M E : “It seems to be working fine.”
    (I hand it back to her. She presses the home button multiple times.)
     
     
    C USTOMER : “How did you do that? It’s not working.”
    M E : “Ma’am, what kind of iPod is that?”
    C USTOMER : “iPod Touch.”
    M E : “Yeah … so try touching one of the icons on the screen.”
    (She does.)
     
     
    C USTOMER : “OH MY GOD, THAT IS SO COOL! YOU’RE A GENIUS!”
    M E : “Yeah, well.”

HOOLIGANS IN HIGH HATS
    R ESTAURANT | P HILADELPHIA , P ENNSYLVANIA
     
    (I go to a cooking school that has a pastry shop and restaurants open to the public. Another customer approaches me while I’m getting coffee at the pastry shop.)
     
     
    C USTOMER : “It is such a shame how all these kids are bringing weapons to school. You, have you ever brought a knife to class?”
    M E : “Ummm, I go here.”
    C USTOMER : “So?”
    M E : “This is a cooking school. We are required to bring knives to class.”
    C USTOMER : “See? All the kids in this country are delinquents!”

NOT A PLANET YOU WANT TO PISS OFF
    R ETAIL | T AMPA , F LORIDA
     
    M E : “Hi, did you find everything all right?”
    C USTOMER : “Yeah, I brought in my old printer ink so I know which number to get.”
    M E : “A very good idea. And would you like to recycle your ink cartridge? You can receive money back if you’re a rewards customer.”
    C USTOMER : “A what customer?”
    M E : “It’s a frequent-shoppers program that lets you rack up purchases and receive money back on them. When you recycle an ink cartridge, you get $3.”
    C USTOMER : “I don’t want no credit card.”
    M E : “Oh, it’s not a credit card, sir. And it’s completely free to sign up.”
    C USTOMER : “No thanks.”
    M E : “All right, would you like to recycle it anyway? We do that here for free.”
    C USTOMER : “Why would I recycle it?”
    M E : “Well, because it’s empty, and you can’t recycle them yourself. It’s better than just throwing it away.”
    C USTOMER : “Why?”
    M E : “… because it’s good for the earth?”
    C USTOMER : “What has the earth ever done for me?”
    M E : “Oxygen, sir?”

… AND WE WONDER WHY EVERYONE HATES US
    F ROZEN Y OGURT S HOP | P ASADENA , C ALIFORNIA
     
    C USTOMER : “Are you Hispanic?”
    M E : “No.”
    C USTOMER : “Middle Eastern?”
    M E : “No.”
    C USTOMER : “Egyptian?”
    M E : “No.”
    C USTOMER : “What are you?”
    M E : “Chinese.”
    (Customer puts on offended face.)
     
     
    C USTOMER : “I don’t appreciate you treating me like I’m dumb.”
    M E : “Excuse me? I’m being honest.”
    C USTOMER : “No CHINESE PERSON WOULD EVER HAVE EYES AS BIG AS YOURS!!!”
    M E : *mouth wide open*

IT (ALMOST) NEVER HURTS TO CHECK
    S PORTING G OODS S TORE | B ALTIMORE , M ARYLAND
     
    C USTOMER : “Let me see that knife in the case.”
    M E : “Here ya go.”
    C USTOMER : “I don’t think this knife is sharp enough.”
    M E : “Really?”
    (The customer pulls the blade across his palm, slicing his hand open and spilling blood all over the floor.)
     
     
    C USTOMER : “I guess it is.”
    M E : “Would you like some paper towels?”

ONE PEPPERONI SHORT OF A SLICE
    P IZZA D ELIVERY | L IMA , O HIO
     
    M E :