The Customer Is Not Always Right: Hilarious and Horrific Tales of Customers Gone Wrong Read Online Free PDF Page B

“Thanks for calling [pizza delivery]. How can I help you?”
    C USTOMER : “Yeah, what size pizzas do y’all have?”
    M E : “We have ten-, twelve-, and fourteen-inch pizzas.”
    C USTOMER : “How big is the twelve-inch pizza?”
    M E : “Um …”
    C USTOMER : “Never mind, let me get a twelve-inch … and will y’all cut that into squares?”
    M E : “Sure, we can do that.”
    C USTOMER : “Good, because then there will be more pizza!”

A WHALE OF A STORY
    R ESTAURANT | A LASKA
     
    T OURIST : “Are you from here?”
    M E : “Yes.”
    T OURIST : “We are here to see the whales.”
    M E : “Oh, that sounds exciting.”
    T OURIST : “So is there some little place known only to locals where you can watch the whales lay their eggs?”
    M E : *trying not laugh* “Urn … yes there is, but we really aren’t supposed to tell the tourists.”
    T OURIST : “Come on, please? We’ve come a long way. There’s a big tip in it for you.”
    M E : “Well, okay. If you go down to the beach around 2 a.m., make really loud whale calls and wave your arms around. It will make them feel welcome. They will swim up to you, dig a hole in the sand with their fins, and lay their eggs.”
    (I always wondered if she went.)
     
     

I THINK WE’VE FOUND THE PROBLEM
    C ALL C ENTER | C ONCORD , C ALIFORNIA
     
    M E : *on the phone with a customer* “I can have a repairman out there in two days to fix your dishwasher.”
    C USTOMER : “Two days? TWO DAYS?! What am I going to do with the dishes in the meantime?!”
    M E : “jokingly* ”For $10 a day I’ll come out and wash them.”
    C USTOMER : “Okay, great! Can I put that on my store card?”
    M E : “Um … I was just kidding, ma’am.”
    C USTOMER : *angrily* “Let me talk to your manager!”
    (After my boss speaks with the customer, he comes over to talk to me.)
     
     
    B OSS : “Did you tell the customer you would wash her dishes?”
    M E : “I was just joking!”
    B OSS : “NEVER joke with a customer. Customers have NO sense of humor. None.”

HOW ABOUT WE MAKE IT TEN FEET WIDE
    P ARKING L OT | T ORONTO , O NTARIO
     
    (A customer is trying to get a ticket from the machine at the entrance.)
     
     
    C USTOMER : “Excuse me, sir, how do I get a ticket from the machine?”
    M E : “You just push the button in the middle.”
    C USTOMER : “What button?!”
    M E : “It’s the only one, right in the middle.”
    C USTOMER : “Where?”
    M E : “There’s only one button … it’s green … and it’s flashing.”
    C USTOMER : “You guys should make it more obvious that this is a button!”

WE LOVE YOU TOO
    P IZZERIA | F LORIDA
     
    (It is literally three minutes before closing time, and someone calls us.)
     
     
    D RUNK CUSTOMER : “Ehhhhhh, hello?”
    M E : “Sir, we are at closing time.”
    D RUNK CUSTOMER : “Oh … well, can I have a large cheese pizza and a cheeseburger?”
    M E : “Sir, it is closing time. We’re done for the day. And we don’t serve burgers.”
    D RUNK CUSTOMER : “Okay, can you just… uuuhhhhh … make me a pizza really fast then?”
    M E : “Sir, I’m sorry, but we’re closing.”
    D RUNK CUSTOMER : “COME ON! IT’S 10:00 P.M., I’M HUNGRY, AND ALL I WANT IS A PIZZA!”
    M E : “Sir, it’s 10:01. We are closed.”
    D RUNK CUSTOMER : *suddenly calm* “Okay … I’ll go to McDonald’s.”
    M E : “Good night, sir.”
    D RUNK CUSTOMER : “Good night… I love you …”*hangs up*
    (Quite frankly, it made my day.)
     
     

PLEASE LET THIS BE A PRANK
    L AW F IRM | R ICHMOND , V IRGINIA
     
    M E : “[Law firm], how may I direct your call?”
    C ALLER : “I can fly!”
    M E : “I’m sorry?”
    C ALLER : “I can fly! Can you fly?”
    M E : “Uh … not without an airplane.”
    C ALLER : “Oh, so you’ve never flown just by yourself?”
    M E : “Not really…”
    C ALLER : “Oh. Do you like rainbows?”
    M E : “Rainbows are … pretty cool…”
    C ALLER : “How about sparkles?”
    M E : “Sure …”
    C