The Beast and Me Read Online Free PDF Page A

so that my palms were touching the wall and like that it did hurt my arms.
    And that was what distracted me. I mean, he didn’t hurt me the last time, so why should I concentrate on him instead of trying to stand more comfortably? Maybe that was my mistake. Maybe it really was my fault. That’s what I heard in one of my dreams. It was my reaction that triggered it and not that it had been out of control.
    It was so stealthy again that I only realized where he was when I felt his breath again, heavily exhaled. And I tensed. It was just instinct. Flexing my muscles was what made my chains clink, but I didn’t think any of it, because I calmed myself down again.
    It didn’t touch me, was just standing there behind me, breathing down my neck and back, creating goose bumps. It almost seemed like... as if he wanted to say something and I tried to turn my head. He brushed my hair behind my shoulder and I could sense how he plucked at it again, gently twirling it between his fingers. No one can tell me that there are no fingers.
    I knew he would touch me again and I wanted him to; simply because it had felt so good to have contact at least with someone and... Can anyone blame me?
    His hand at my neck made me relax this time and I swear that they were normal: no claws. Yes, I could not see them, but there was no soft grazing on my skin. I do remember that.
    Do I remember right?
    Or is this just another dream?
    There were no claws; at first. Still, when he slid his hands beneath my shirt and onto my stomach, these hands were missing their claws. These were hands, and arms; normal arms not hairy ones that I had expected. He wrapped them around me and moved closer.
    I could feel his chest against my back. He seemed so human. His face against my neck didn’t feel different. I didn’t understand... I still don’t. Yet, my head started spinning and there was no way I could stop it, my thoughts ran off, broke free, asked questions to answer them in so many possible ways: What was all of this about? Was this even the same creature? What will happen next? What do they need me for? Why am I so calm? Don’t I know what could happen to me? I pressed my eyes shut and tensed.
    And that’s when I felt how he started trembling, not shivering, like something was happening to him. Can he sense what I am thinking? I remember asking myself. And I felt it, on my skin, could sense how his claws grew. His fingernails turned into claws. They pressed into my skin, piercing it and it freaked me out. My whole body tensed into paralysis. I was frozen. I could... feel on my neck how his face... changed. I swear it.
     
    They didn’t do anything! They were just... monitoring this. But they did nothing to stop him, or even distract him. Even though he growled and his grip tightened around me. There was no way that they couldn’t anticipate what would happen. It is their creature. They should have known. That’s why I know that they didn’t care what would happen to me. They didn’t care. Why save me?
     
    Day 22
    I needed to stop writing. I just... needed a break. My stitches were hurting, I was breathing so heavily. This is so hard to get my head around. Maybe I was stupid to believe that I was worth something around here until now. I guess I still won’t be. The only reason they have stitched me back together is to put me back in the cage and see what happens. That’s all what this is about: see what happens when we put a girl in the beast’s cage. They wouldn’t have saved me if they do not want this to continue, would they?
     
    So when my pulse went up and I was in pain again, the doctor came back and gave me some meds to sleep. And I honestly didn’t want to pick up the diary again. I didn’t want to remember. But I do. I dream about it and it scares me out of my sleep. So, what am I supposed to do? I cannot run away from that day or from the day they put me back. It’s not hard to recall it. I wish I wouldn’t remember it so