To Be Free Read Online Free PDF Page A

pull it open and carefully slip
in.
    The smell hits me as I'm
halfway in.
    I gag, the rotting smell of
human flesh so ripe it's as if I'm sniffing a month-old corpse; and
putting my hand to my mouth I let go of the hatch, launching myself
into the depths while I close my eyes so I can ignore the blood and
the sense of weightlessness.
    Instead, I pretend I'm back
with Meredith at my parents' house, in the living room, and we're
fighting for the remote the way we always do. Her shouting about
watching the History channel, and I wanting to watch the Discovery
channel. Which, in the end, was the same thing and she always won
regardless, but we'd tussle on the couch until one of us
yielded.
    That morning she'd left for the
hospital before the Vigils came, and I'm honestly glad she wasn't
there to witness the truth. I do wish I could've said goodbye to
her, though, and apologize for the shitty husband I've been.
    As I fly through that tunnel,
an eternity passes in an instant. I see her pixie-like, smiling
face with her slightly crooked white teeth, the dimple forming on
her right cheekbone. Her bright, grass green eyes shining with a
hint of rebelliousness and her blonde hair cascading around her
shoulders, as soft as the first snowfall.
    With the sight of her face the
guilt comes, how every time I saw her I couldn't help but feel
horrible for doing this to her, for marrying her when I honestly
felt no love for her except that of a friend. For using her to bury
my emotions deep inside myself and force myself to love her the way
she loved me. For never telling her she's beautiful even though she
is and telling her I love her and never meaning it.
    For giving her my child,
because I know she could never rid herself of it even when she'll
find out. She was like that - too good for me.
    I feel weightless as soon as
that thought graces me, and I open my eyes a crack to see bright
blue sky ahead dotted with storm clouds. They widen just as I fall,
but I don't fall far - I land on something somewhat soft and I go
rolling, the smell of decay suddenly so much more powerful.
    Rolling to a stop with my nose
pressed into the grass, I push myself onto my knees and glance
around.
    Nine's crouching on his toes
nearby, hands pooled between his thighs and a pale eyebrow arching
over his eerie eyes.
    "Do you want
to live?" He asks me as I stare at him, and sighs when I just
continue staring at him. Snapping his fingers in front of my face,
he scowls at me. "Hey, Eleven! Do you want
to live ?"
    "What's that supposed to mean?" I question, and here he grits his teeth
and narrows his eyes. I feel a shiver crawl up my spine with sharp
talons as he stands in one fluid movement and pulls me up with a
hand at my throat, loose enough to allow me to breathe but tightly
enough to be uncomfortable.
    "Exactly what
it implies," he growls, and I realize then that having that gaze
narrowed in hate at me is very unpleasant - it feels as if I'm
stripped clean and he can see the darkest parts of my soul, and my
immediate reaction is to try to shut him out; even though I can't.
My defenses are stripped clean with that uncanny glare. "Out here,
only the strong survive and we have to fucking fight to stay alive.
Running isn't a game, and if you lose, you die; if you kneel by the
dead here and wait for Recon One, you'll be dead within the
hour; I promise you. So, I'll ask one last time, Eleven, and you'd better fucking
answer right."
    We're nose-to-nose by now, so
much that his eyes almost blur out of focus, and I can feel his
breath on my skin. For a man who's been in captivity for God knows
how long, he's frightening yet surprisingly alive.
    "Are you strong enough to
survive?" He asks, and I take in a breath to reply, but he
interrupts. "Do you want to live? I don't give a shit about
whatever bullshit excuse you make for yourself to fight, but you'll
never survive out here alone. I need you, and you need me, and it's
the only fucking way to survive."
    I wait until he's