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song.”
    “Knowledge is easily implanted into the brain,” said Jon. “The hard part is not filling up and being able to quickly sort it. It’s like your DVR, there’s only so much space and a hell of a lot of good shows on. Folks in my line of work have a memory expansion implant so we store all this extra info without overloading our brain.”
    “And your speech? It’s so good I would never think you’re not from Earth. Another implant?”
    “Same implant with a speech app loaded in. As any linguist would tell you, language is just a verbal expression of common experiences colored by local colloquialisms. The app automatically translates my thoughts into English and it chooses the correct phrase from hundreds stored in memory. For example, if we were in a hurry and I was to tell you to ‘put the pedal to the metal’, my mind is thinking ‘please go as fast as possible’ and the app is supplying the correct local phrase.”
    “Cool,” said Simon and, thanks to the implant, Jon’s brain interpreted it as ‘nicely impressive technology.’ “You seem human, are you human?”
    “Yes, give or take a few gene strands, I am human. One hundred percent of intelligent life in the universe is human-based. Some diversity here and there, but it can all be reduced to the same basic model.”
    “That’s incredible,” Simon said as he poured more wine. He was quickly discovering that, like most people, Jon became more talkative when inebriated. “And people teleport to wherever they want to go?”
    “Not exactly. For one thing, it requires a teleport station at both ends so you just can’t travel between any two random points. It’s a little like your subway system; there’s a network of stations that get you close to where you want to be, but after that you might need a taxi, bus or spaceship to finish your journey.”
    “Still, it’s all very impressive,” commented Simon. “And you have spaceships that go faster than the speed of light?”
    “Oh, sure. Once you understand how a black hole retains information, anything is possible.”
    “And all the life out there is the same?”
    “Not all, just the humans are what we term intelligent. All types of strange critters in the lower forms. Look back at this planet’s fossil record of the plant and animal life that has come and gone and you’ll get an idea of what’s out there.”
    “But all life is carbon-based?”
    “Yup,” replied Jon. “Now it’s time for me to ask you a very important question.”
    Simon prepared himself, “Go ahead, I’m ready.”
    “Know any girls?”
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
     
    5.
     
    “Wake up, Sunshine.”
    Gilbert heard the unexpected female voice and immediately opened his eyes. What Gilbert saw next caused him to close and reopen his eyes a few more times along with some added head shaking.
    “Hello,” he said, remembering his manners.
    “Hello, Gilbert. My name is Ellie.”
    “Hello, Ellie.” Gilbert looked Ellie up and down. “Are you a robot?”
    “Not really, not by the classical definition. I’m an extension of this facility and controlled directly by its main computer. I’m more like a remote controlled automaton being operated by a computer program, if that helps. Move me far enough away from here and I won’t do much, just stand around and wait for a control signal.”
    “But you are…mechanical?”
    “Oh yeah, nothing squishy inside this girl.”
    “And you’re female?”
    “Jon thought a female persona would help you adjust to the situation.”
    Gilbert was developing a bad feeling about this. “What situation? Where is Jon?”
    “Jon went to Earth to begin the invasion.”
    “What!” screamed Gilbert.
    “Sorry, couldn’t resist. Jon said you were easy. You should see your face,” laughed Ellie, “we’re going to put together a video montage later on.”
    “Was that supposed to be some kind of joke? You’re a computer, you’re not supposed to be doing things like