Tales of a First Time Mom: A collection of all the crap the baby books didn't tell me. Some gross, some funny, all absolutely true. Read Online Free PDF Page A

understand
any of these sentences and if someone tells you that their baby does understand,
then they are lying.
     
     

CHAPTER SIX
    Worthy Obsessions & Your New..... Puppy?
     
     Baby wipes are magical. They aren't just for
wiping baby boogies.  They literally clean everything. The fingerprints your
little one left on the TV.  The crumbs and dust on the coffee table.  The
crusted tomato sauce on your flat top stove. The 3 week old stain in your
carpet.  I can't even begin to imagine how many I go through in a day.  Oh my
goodness, how many in a month!  Not only are they in the nursery, but they are
also in the kitchen, in the bathroom, in the car and in my purse. The single
worst thing that could possibly happen to me is running out of baby wipes.  Without
them, my world would end & life as I know it would cease to exist. 
Armageddon in baby wipe form. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, Mother
Nature is really going to get me good one day.
    You will never get enough of those one piece
zippered footie pajamas. They're super easy to find in newborn, 0-3 month, and
3-6 month sizes, but  once your little one gets to that elusive 6-9 month size
your search becomes harder than finding pirate treasure.  Zippers became
everything to me when I was exhausted, trying to change a diaper for my newborn
at 3am.  Now they save me the hassle of trying to wrestle my toddler with snaps
and pants.  One zip and it's over.  Completely genius!     
    Use and abuse your snap and go stroller as much
as you can.  It is insane how completely easy it is to just snap your infant
car seat onto that thing and do whatever you need to do.  Plus the under basket
storage is far better than any regular stroller on the market.  Once your kid
is too big for it and has to move on to a regular car seat and stroller be sure
to add 25 minutes to your shopping routine. You'll need it to load the kid in
the car, pack the stroller, unload the kid at your destination, unload the
stroller, strap the kid in the stroller, dig out his sippy cup and remember to
get your purse out of the front seat before you hit the mall.  Man I miss that
snap and go.
    Your microwave bottle sterilizer will be the
single most useful baby item that you have. It is good for so much more than
just bottles.  Pacifiers, baby spoons, bowls, plastic toys, sippy cups,
anything you can imagine looks brand spanking new once you toss it in that
sterilizer.   Does your engagement ring need a good cleaning?  Just pop it in
your microwave bottle sterilizer. Three minutes in there and it instantly
becomes a stunner again. 
    If your child becomes a pacifier baby (which is
totally fine in my opinion) be sure to buy every single pacifier your baby
store has in stock. Keep them in every single room in your house.  Put two in
your purse, & three in your diaper bag. Put two in the side compartment of
your car door.  Hide six in the nursery.  Bring four to your in-laws, and stash
the rest anywhere else you can think of.  I also keep one of those large
acrylic jars that hold about 12 in my kitchen.  I've got them everywhere and
still find myself searching for one on occasion.
    For a while there I was beginning to think my
son was a sorcerer and could magically make stuff disappear....... but I was
wrong.  I found all of those missing pacifiers underneath my sofa.  Seven to be
exact.  So now I have this insane collection of pacifiers since I had been
replacing them as he lost them.  The Binky Fairy is going to have a field day
trying to wrangle all of them up when she comes to our house. 
    You do not need a jumperoo AND an exersaucer. 
Especially if you don't live in a great big giant mansion with thousands of
extra square feet to keep baby stuff in. Pick one and go with it.  They are far
too big and annoying to try and maneuver around your house.  Ideally, an
exersaucer that bounces will be your best option. 2 for 1 – look at that,
you're already saving money,