Tales of a First Time Mom: A collection of all the crap the baby books didn't tell me. Some gross, some funny, all absolutely true. Read Online Free PDF

and precious square footage.
    Installing a car seat is really not that difficult.
In fact, thanks to the LATCH system that all cars are equipped with now it’s
quite easy. The hard part is keeping the straps from getting all twisted and
tangled with every single car ride.  The tangled knot of straps will always be
the worst when you are in a super rush, and your kid is in a craptastic mood
pulling your hair while you are trying to fight with the straps and get him all
buckled in.  If you're smart, you followed my previous advice on the ponytail
and your precious hair will be saved from yanking.
    Save your back and keep your diaper bag light. 
2 diapers, a travel pack of wipes, powder – and that's it! In fact, just put
that stuff in a travel Ziploc bag and toss it in your purse.  I used to carry
around a giant heavy diaper bag everywhere I went filled with everything I had
in his nursery and more, just in case, and truth be told, I never needed it
once. As soon as I realized that I was suffering for nothing I changed things
up.  Now I keep what I call my “bye bye bag” in the trunk of my car at all
times.  Diapers, wipes, blanket, toys, pacifiers, first aid, an extra outfit,
some baby food pouches, an empty baby bottle, bottle of water and 2 of the
formula to go packs. Basically my entire diaper bag and then some.  I tossed
the 2 diapers and travel wipes in my purse and haven't looked back since.  That
bye bye bag is always in my car, so I know I always have the items close by if
needed and I save myself unnecessary trips to the Chiropractor.  Win win.
    I'm an iPhone user, and I thought about all
those baby apps.  Log the poo.  Log the feeding.  Log the tears.  Log the milk
pumping.  I ultimately decided against those & I'm so glad I did.  I swear
if I had to log every single one of those things I would lose my mind.  I have
a hard enough time trying to remember to enter his doctor appointments in my
calendar. Parenting is really not that difficult.  If he pooped, change him. 
If he's hungry, feed him. If your boobs are engorged to the point of explosion,
pump those puppies.   You will find a schedule that works for you and your
family, and when you do, just go with it.  Everything will fall into place.  I
truly believe that being a go with the flow mom has decreased my stress and
helped me to truly appreciate every minute with my little guy.
    It's so much fun watching your baby discover and
learn new things every day. Learning to roll over.  Learning to crawl. Learning
to walk. Your poor baby will be forced to repeat every new task he learns so
that you can get the perfect photo, or capture it on film. I realized that
whenever my son learns to do something new I treat him like he's a dog that
learned a new trick.  I make him do it over and over again, and then reward him
with a snack when he's done.  Shame on me – I should buy him a toy instead.
    Allow me to explain to you the wonder that is
the red SOLO cup – a mother’s greatest ally. This one simple item can and will
keep your little one completely amazed for hours.  I know that you have tons of
expensive educational toys with lots of buttons to push and colors galore, but
I can guarantee you that those toys won’t matter to your baby as long as you
put a red SOLO cup in front of her. Don’t worry, one day that cup will stop
being so fascinating and your baby will start to play with all of those great
toys you bought for her.  But in the meantime, less is more. Less is way more.
    While cute and fun to play with, toys that blow air,
make loud sounds, or move on their own are scary to little kids.  They'll cling
to you and cry their eyes out until you put that toy on the highest shelf of
the closet never to be seen again.  So don't even bother with them. Although
when you do purchase one of these toys, you are going to torture your child
into watching it operate and laugh at his fear.  Shame on you.
     
     

CHAPTER SEVEN
    Confusing