Self Destruct Read Online Free PDF Page A

want him coming here and getting jealous about a non-existent thing with Nick.  Look Becca you need a distraction, and I saw you checking out Aiden. But, Nick says Aiden has a really serious girlfriend.  He also says she is a bitch who is screwing every guy at NYU, but if he is going to stay with her he is not available.  Have some fun tonight, and please keep Nick off me.”
    As if on cue, Nick returned with a shot glass filled with tequila.  The burn was followed by sweet numbness.  I'm not sure why Toni was encouraging me to return to my former ways.  Maybe she was right.  Maybe I'd gone too far the other way.  In that case, why the hell not? 
                 

4
    Aiden
     
    I was a dick.  I knew I was during the entire conversation with Becca, but I had to push her away.  I’m fairly drunk, lonely, and I think my girlfriend is screwing around.  I think the hickey she had when she picked me up at the airport last week was a pretty good clue.  But shit, I’m not perfect.  I’ve messed around a couple of times since she moved to New York.  I draw the line at sex though, somehow that feels like real cheating. 
    I’m nearly certain she doesn’t have the same standards, but I feel like I owe it to her to stay somewhat faithful.  She doesn't love me, but I owe her.  I've destroyed enough of her life. We are shackled together by guilt, and our families' expectations. I didn’t even confront her with her noticeable cheating.  It seems easier to let things go over the phone and in person.  I didn’t want to spend the week fighting with her. I didn't want to spend the week with her either, but my mother insisted.
    I won’t see her again until Christmas.  Even then I’ll probably avoid the topic, she’ll only be here for a few weeks.   I'm not sure why I keep trying to force a real relationship.  No, that's a lie.  I'm weak.  I screwed up royally, and I've been paying for it for the last seven years.  But, if we are going to be forced together through our circumstances we should make the best of it.  At least that is what I tell myself.
    As much as I would like to see if Becca would be interested in a friends-with-some benefits situation with me, she seems like the kind of girl you date exclusively.  The kind you actually look forward to introducing to your family.  Actually her virginity, and my reluctance to take it might make this work for me at least.  I know Vanessa is stepping out on me, why should I suffer?  I could at least get some relief with a really hot girl.  Now, if I could actually convince myself relief is all I want from Becca.
    Motherfucker , I'm going to kill Nick.  I just walked through the door looking for her, even though I hadn’t made up my mind yet that I was going to, and saw my best friend lick her neck.  Shit, why was she letting him do body shots off her?  She is too fucking innocent for her own good.  Someone needs to look out for her.  Nick was handing her shots.  He prides himself on giving girls just enough that they are willing, and not so many that they puke on him.  Why am I friends with him? 
    I’ll worry about that later . Right now I am going to remove the very drunk Becca from his clutches.  “I’ll take that,” I said grabbing the shot of tequila Nick handed her.  She stuck out her bottom lip and that was it, I was done resisting her.  I grabbed her waist, pulled her away from Nick and sucked her plump lip into my mouth.  She grabbed a handful of my hair and began to kiss me back.  Holy shit this girl could kiss.  I feel like I’m on fire, and I love it. 
    The voi ce in the back of my head started screaming, “She’s drunk shit head!”  Reluctantly I pulled away.  I really wanted to keep kissing her, and maybe I would again, but not while she's drunk.  I couldn't let her lay down now though.  She had to work some of this alcohol out of her system.  Which reminded me of her dancing earlier. 
    “Hey Ya ” by