Polyamory in the 21st Century: Love and Intimacy With Multiple Partners Read Online Free PDF Page A

shoulder or chest, while Frances takes the lower perch in my lap. When they play together, they wrestle and jump freely, but each knows her place when it comes to important resources, and there is never any conflict.
    Years ago, I had two other cats who were sisters and got along well until they both had kittens. As soon as the kittens were weaned, Kali, the more dominant of the two, started attacking her sister many times a day until she drove her out of the house. Astarte finally found refuge with a neighbor, and Kali guarded her territory ferociously, refusing to submit to the male cats in the neighborhood except for Sand, our older male cat who lorded it over everyone.
    Genetic programming is usually characterized as selfish. It’s said that it’s not interested in the good of the species, the happiness of others, or social justice but rather is ruled by Darwin’s infamous survival-of-the-fittest dic-tum. Competition and the struggle for dominance, whether at the level of determining which sperm cells will fertilize an egg or which male has access to a particular female or whether the male or the female is calling the shots, has been the basis for most interpersonal interactions throughout 1 0
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    our recorded history. Polyamory, on the other hand, involves a conscious decision to act altruistically, that is, to put the well-being of others on an equal par with one’s own.
    Another issue is that, increasingly, the association of human sexual behavior with reproduction is being broken. While most nonhuman sexual behavior still is linked with reproduction, a smaller and smaller percentage of human mating is intended to produce offspring. With longer life spans and better health, women are continuing to be sexually active long after fertility ceases. Greater independence for both genders means that enjoyment of sex, shared values and interests, and common avocations play a greater role than basic survival in sexual choices.
    Meanwhile, many humans are deciding to have fewer children or no children at all, and when birth control pills and surgical solutions are used to control fertility and deodorants are used to control natural scents, our physiology is altered in such a way that genetic programming may be altered.

LOVE AND THE BRAIN
    The effects of hormones and neurotransmitters have been increasingly well researched in the twenty-first century as the major mechanism by which genetic programming, as well as emotional reactions and environmental factors, exerts an effect on our sexual behavior. Hormones such as estrogen, testosterone, vasopressin, and dehydroepiandrosterone have long been known to influence our sexual desires and habits. Oxytocin is strongly linked to bonding. Neurotransmitters such as dopamine, norepinephrine, and phenylethylamine have been identified as mediators for infatuation or romantic love. Tiny molecules called pheromones, which enter our bodies through the nose, independently of our conscious awareness of odors, also influence our sexual attractions and choices.
    The question is no longer whether sex hormones affect our behavior but rather to what extent we have any conscious choice about our sexual decisions at all. For example, high testosterone levels may incline some people to seek out multiple partners, while vasopressin may influence others to bond with only one. No doubt the degrees of freedom vary from person to person and involve relationships between hormone levels, consciousness levels, and environmental factors. The very extensive conversations on W H A T I S P O L Y A M O R Y ?
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    “free will” in spiritual, psychological, and philosophical venues are beyond the scope of this book. Suffice it to say that many of our most respected and influential spiritual leaders say that free will is an illusion and that we only imagine we are making choices after the behavior has already occurred.2
    Scientific data strongly suggest that, as sex therapist and researcher