Oy!: The Ultimate Book of Jewish Jokes Read Online Free PDF Page A

door, it’s me.”
    Fay says, “Nooo.”
    Cyril knocks a little louder, “Fay, sweetness, please open the door.”
    “No,” says Fay.
    Cyril starts kicking the door and shouts, “Fay, open this door right now or I’ll break it down.”
    Fay says, “Really? A door you can break down, but a nightgown you can’t pull up?”

Anniversaries
    Benny and Max meet one Shabbes while parking their cars down a little road out of sight of the synagogue. As they begin their five-minute walk to the synagogue, Benny says, “I’m glad I’ve bumped into you, Max. It’s my parents’ golden wedding anniversary next week and I would like you to come to the party.”
    “It’s nice of you to ask,” replies Max, “Thank you, yes, I will come.”
“And if you have some friends you can bring with you, please do so,“ says Benny, "It will be nice to have a lot of people at the party.”
    “Yes. I can bring Hymie Cohen and Melvyn Levy.”
    “Great, but don’t forget to remind them to bring something gold.”
“OK.”
    So Max brought a goldfish, Hymie Cohen brought a jar of Gold Blend coffee and Melvyn Levy brought Howard Goldberg.

    Sadie and Maurice were celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary with a group of friends at Bloom’s Restaurant in Miami. But Maurice looked unhappy so his best friend Michael, a lawyer, went over to him.
    “What’s the matter, Maurice,” he asked. “Why do you look so sad?”
“Do you remember on my fifth anniversary I asked you what would happen if I murdered Sadie?”
    “Yes,” answered Michael, “I said you would get twenty years in jail.”
“Well,” said Maurice, “I would have been a free man tonight!”

    Shlomo asks his wife, “Where shall we go to celebrate our anniversary, darling?"
    Sarah replies, “Somewhere I have never been!”
    So Shlomo says, “How about the kitchen, then?”

    Shlomo and Ruth were celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their long-lasting and happy marriage was the talk of the Ocean Parkway community. So it was no surprise when
a Jewish Chronicle
reporter came to see Shlomo to ask him the secret of their successful marriage.
    “Well, it dates back to our honeymoon,” explained Shlomo. “We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon on mules. We hadn’t gone very far when Ruth’s mule stumbled. She looked at the mule and quietly said, ‘That’s once.’ We had only proceeded a little farther when the mule stumbled again. Once more Ruth looked him in the eyes and quietly said, ‘That’s twice.’ We hadn’t gone more than a half-mile more when the mule stumbled a third time. This time, Ruth promptly removed a revolver from her rucksack and shot the mule dead. I started to protest over her treatment of the mule when Ruth looked at me and quietly said, ‘That’s once.’ ”

    One day, Moshe goes up to his boss and says, rather timidly, “Mr. Gold, is it OK if I take tomorrow off? It’s my golden wedding anniversary.”
    “What
chutzpah
you have,” replies Mr. Gold. “Is this what I’m going to have to put up with from you every fifty years?”

    It was Hetty and Benjy’s silver wedding anniversary. Hetty says, “Do you remember when you proposed to me, Benjy? I was so overwhelmed and taken aback that I couldn’t talk for an hour.” Benjy replies, “Yes, of course I do, Hetty. How could I ever forget? It was the happiest hour of my life.”

    Moshe and Sadie lived in a retirement home in Brooklyn and were celebrating their fiftieth anniversary. Although David, Henry and Alan, their three sons, had successful careers, they had been visiting their parents less and less in recent times. Nevertheless, the sons agreed to visit their parents at their home for a special Sunday lunch. As usual, they all arrived late and almost immediately their excuses began.
    “Happy Anniversary, mom and dad,” shouted David, “I’m sorry I’m late but I had an emergency at the hospital. You know how it is. So I