Not Your Mother's Rules: The New Secrets for Dating Read Online Free PDF Page A

yourself, “It’s okay if it’s just sex,” it usually isn’t; women want more! So now she is doing
The Rules
and loving it!
    We have some intellectual-type clients who argue that
The Rules
are disingenuous. They want to “write their own rules” and “let their spirit move them” to e-mail or text a guy or sleep with him. We tell them that this philosophy sounds good, but to call us after they get hurt and/or meet the guy they really want to settle down with. And they usually do! Sometimes they do
The Rules
by accident because they didn’t really think they liked the guy and call us triumphantly to say, “I didn’t do
The Rules
, and we’re engaged.” But we explain that just because it was by accident doesn’t mean it’s not
The Rules
. It’s kind of like losing ten pounds without really trying, because you had a stomach flu.
    No matter what your age, whether you are a single college freshman or a divorced forty-five-year-old,
The Rules
are for you if you are tired of making mistakes with men and getting hurt or dumped.
The Rules
are for you if want to be in a healthy, loving relationship with a boyfriend and/or future husband, as opposed to one-night stands and instant-message marathons. So when doing “whatever you want” stops working, you’ll think about doing
The Rules
! Until then, go wild!

Rule #1 ____________
Be a Creature Unlike Any Other
    W HEN WOMEN CONTACT us for a consultation, they are usually not feeling great about themselves. The guy they’ve had a crush on hasn’t asked them out, their boyfriend of three years hasn’t proposed, or their college sweetheart just broke up with them by text. They feel hurt and inadequate and unlovable. Some want to swear off dating indefinitely or until they feel they can trust men again. They get a pet or eat ice cream, or miss school or work for days. But we help them get back into the game and reassure them that, regardless of their situation, they are a Creature Unlike Any Other—any man would be lucky to date them! We give them their confidence back.
    Being a Creature Unlike Any Other is not about being the prettiest or most popular girl, but about confidence and self-esteem no matter what else is going on in your life. It’s about dating with dignity and not being desperate. A CUAO is not anxious or jealous or negative or cynical. She believes in love, even after a bad breakup. She would never say that there’s no one good at a singles event or that only losers are on dating websites or that she’ll never meet anyone. Instead, she walks into a club like she owns the place and tells herself as she circles the room, “I’m beautiful. Who wouldn’t want to talk to me? There is someone out there for me.” Of course, she may not really feel this way or totally believe it, but she acts as ifshe does! If any of us had waited until we felt like dating after a bad breakup, we might
still
be waiting. How long should you wait to date again? One day is more than enough—the best way to get over a guy is just to meet another one! You can cry over your ex while Googling speed-dating events. You have no time to waste!
    Being a CUAO is also about doing the best with what you have, not wishing you were someone else. It doesn’t matter if you were not popular in high school, if your family is dysfunctional, or if you are unemployed; you are optimistic and don’t complain (at least not on dates!). You still show up with a hot outfit and a smile on your face. You hold your head up high without staring at any man; you walk around the room repeating the mantra that you are beautiful and any man would be lucky to meet you! Women are notorious for putting themselves down, so we tell them to pump themselves up. When you are thinking like a CUAO, you are less likely to talk to a man first, go out with him on a moment’s notice, or get drunk and then sleep with him.
    Alexa, a thirty-two-year-old MBA, called us crying after her boyfriend of three years walked out.