Not Looking for Love: Episode 3 Read Online Free PDF Page B

until the sun can come out again. The sea is calm now, no drowning baby anywhere. A woman laughs in the distance, and it could be my mom, but when I turn I see no one.  
    "We should go," Scott says after my sobs lessen to shuddering whimpers.
    "Your house?"
    "If that's what you really want."
    I peel away from him and wipe my tears on my sleeve. "I do."
    I want to tell him it's alright, that he doesn't have to take me to his house, if he doesn't want to, because clearly he doesn't. But the thoughts don't form into words and we're already driving, getting on the freeway, and maybe he does want me just a little bit still.

CHAPTER SIX

    The scenery flashing by is a blur of yellow, red and black, and the cramps coming now don't really let up. Each one just builds on the previous, until I feel like I might pass out at any moment.
    "Why didn't you tell me?" Scott asks after awhile.
    I keep my eyes fixed on the road in front of us. "I don't know."
    "I think you do," he says, and turns to look at me, red lights of the car in front of us reflecting in his eyes.  
    "It was because you never wanted to see me again," he concludes for me. Only I wouldn't put it so bluntly, never could. And it took this, Sarah's murder, for me to finally stop fighting, to see it clearly.  
    "I didn't want you to have to deal with it," I say, but my words are coming out wrong, flat and uncaring because of the mounting pain in my belly. I didn't want him to be a murderer too. It was my mistake, my burden, my secret to carry.
    "So, why did you call me now?"
    "I needed you," I say, because it's the truth.
    "What? To pick you up?"
    "To help me." I double over as a vicious cramp shoots through me.
    "Are you in a lot of pain?"
    "Can we talk later?" I ask through gritted teeth. I will talk to him, tell him everything, apologize, make it all better, I will, but I can't right now. Not with his accusatory tone making the dark clouds gather over the beach again. I killed my child, our child, and he needn't ever had to know, if I weren't such a weak mess.
    I close my eyes and when I open them we're in the quiet street where he lives above the bakery.
    He carries my purse for me, but doesn't hold me as I hobble down the dark alleyway. The lock is still broken on the front door, but at least the hall light is fixed.
    "Shouldn't you fix the door?" I ask, suddenly scared of hooded robbers in the dark.
    "Mike broke it, so he should fix it," he mutters, and climbs up the stairs, taking two at a time. Each step I take sends a throbbing pain through my belly.
    He leaves the door to his apartment open, but doesn't wait for me to reach it. When I do, he's already drinking a beer in the kitchen. His apartment is still littered with cardboard boxes.
    I stumble over to the bed and sit, the wobbling of the air mattress sending a sharp stab through my stomach. It's only eight thirty, but all I want to do is sleep.
    "Do you mind if I just lie down?" I ask, sliding off my shoes. I should probably take a shower and change, but I brought no clothes and I doubt I could stay standing up for a minute longer.  
    The cramps lessen once I lie down, and I close my eyes, wishing I had my sleeping pills with me.  

    When I wake up, it's pitch black outside and the room is filled with a citrusy perfume.
    "I still can't believe you brought her here," Janine says, and I realize it was her raised voice that woke me. "What is this? Marissa all over again?"
    "Keep your voice down," Scott whispers, but I can hear him perfectly, because I'm wide awake now. My belly feels like someone beat me up.
    "Seriously, Scott," Janine continues more quietly. "You should forget about this girl. She's weird."
    I hope he doesn't believe her, won't listen to her.
    "She's just really upset," Scott says, making me want to rush over there and hug him.
    "Unstable's more like it. Like completely crazy," Janine counters.  
    "I don't know," Scott says.
    "What don't you know?" Janine's voice rises in pitch again. "She