Not Looking for Love: Episode 3 Read Online Free PDF Page A

castle.
    Something very cold and hard slithers into me.  
    Menacing black clouds gather in the sky above the beach, the sun gone. Sarah is playing too close to the water, and the surf is churning, rising with the approaching storm.
    A sharp pain racks my stomach and I cry out.
    A wave rises up and crashes down on the beach, covers Sarah, her arms outstretched towards me, crying "Mommy," only I'm too far to reach her. When the wave recedes, Sarah is gone.
    Tears are streaming down my face, and I'm biting down on my knuckles, tasting blood.  
    They let me lie there for awhile, then the nurse helps me dress. I pay the bill at reception.
    "Do you have someone to pick you up?" the nurse asks..
    "I'll take a cab," I mutter.
    She's looking at me like that's not the best idea, but I don't really see her.
    I'm not here. I'm still on the beach, staring at the rolling black waves, waiting for Sarah to return. But she never will, because I killed her.
    There's a shiny white bench near the street where the cab dropped me off. A sharp pain pierces my belly as I sit down too hard, and hot blood rushes out.
    I'm clutching my phone. I should call the cab, go home and sleep through this. Only I won't sleep, I know I won't. I'll just be alone on the dark beach, standing in the surf, waiting for Sarah to return. And I'll probably stay there forever.
    My fingers make the call on their own, I can't control them.
    It rings for a long time, like maybe no one will pick up. And then I'll be all alone for real. Which I already am, so I should just hang up.
    "Gail?" Scott finally says. "What do you want?"
    I wish he'd sound excited or at least angry, but his voice is just very distant and cold.
    "Can you come pick me up?" I blurt out. I should just hang up, and go face all of this on my own.
    "Why?"
    "Please." It's all I can say before my voice cracks. Lightning is shooting across the sky at the dark beach, and in the distance I can see Sarah's white, dead body borne away on the raging waves. And I'm still just standing there in the surf, still waiting and hoping.
    There's a long pause, like maybe he's already hung up.
    "Isn't there anyone else you can call?" he asks finally, and there's an edge in his voice now, or maybe I just want it to be there.
    "No."
    There's another long pause, but this time I can hear him breathing on the other side.
    "Where?"
    I smooth out the receipt and read off the address of the clinic.
    "Fine, I can be there in like an hour," he says.  
    "OK, I'll wait."
    He waits like he wants me to hang up first but I can't do that, and I won't. Finally he sighs and the line goes dead.  

    The winds are picking up and cramps are starting in my belly, like I'm about to have the worst period of my life. A woman in a long, black coat walks past me, her eyes to the ground. She turns into the parking lot in front of the clinic. Soon she'll come out again, just like I did.
    "Murderer!" a woman yells, and I twist in my seat to look behind me, sure the word was meant for me. Two kids' voices take up the call too.
    But it's not for me. It's for the woman running into the clinic now. And the accuser is a middle aged woman and her two kids, who are no older than ten or eleven. They're standing in front of the clinic, holding up banners with pro-life slogans printed over pictures of dead babies.  
    In my mind, Sarah is being tossed around on the raging waves of the sea. Tears stream down my face as I take my phone out again and press call.
    "What? Did you change your mind already?" Scott asks, and he sounds a little like he did on that night that never should have happened, but not quite.
    "Can you hurry?" I ask, tears finding their way into my mouth when I open them.
    "I don't know what to tell you, Gail. It's rush hour," he says. "And I think there was an accident up ahead."
    "Please hurry." I don't know how much longer I can sit here and watch Sarah drown. Maybe by the time he arrives I'll just be stuck in the vision of the terrible dark