My Life and Other Massive Mistakes Read Online Free PDF Page A

hanging pot plants swing from side to side. The veranda’s empty. She’s gone.
    The gate squeals at the side of the house.
    The back door is open. I run, sliding across the floorboards and into the kitchen in my socks. Stella appears in the doorway and I slam the door shut, sliding the deadbolt across.
    The next second Stella jams her head and an arm through the cat door. ‘I love you, Tommy. Meowww!’ She licks her paw and laughs her head off, then tries to scratch me.
    I kneel down and push her shoulders, but she pushes back. I shove and she shoves back.
    â€˜Da putty tat’s coming for you, Tommy,’ she says. ‘Meowww!’
    She scratches me and my cheek squeals with pain, so I shove even harder and wrestle her out of the cat door, then latch it.

    Stella goes straight for the window over the sink. She rests the chocolate bunny on the wheelie bin and hoists herself up to the ledge. I slam the window down. She screams. Her fingers are trapped in the gap beneath the frame. I lift it a little and she pulls out her fingers, holding them up – red, gnarled, witch-like. Her freckles grow a darker shade of brown.
    â€˜YOU!’ she shouts, pointing a twisted finger at me. She picks up the bunny and ripsoff its ears, jamming them into her mouth, foil and all, and starts munching. Even through the closed window I can hear the metal scraping against her teeth. Then she turns and runs.
    â€˜Stella? Stella!’
    I head out of the kitchen and down the hall. I check that the windows are locked in Tanya’s room, my room, Mum’s room. But I know it’s not enough. Stella will stop at nothing to kiss me. She’s only human. She probably has blueprints of the house. She’s probably inside already. This thought freaks me.
    I hear a ringing noise, but it’s not the phone. I sneak back up the hall and into the lounge room. I stare at Mum’s desk next to the fireplace. Her laptop is ringing. Nan is the only person we video call. Maybe she’ll save me. I grab the mouse and click ‘Answer Call’.
    â€˜Nan!’ I say, but you know whose head pops up?
    â€˜Kissy, kiss-y,’ Stella says, rolling her terrible eyes, gnashing her terrible, chocolate-coated teeth and wiggling her pink-and-white bunny ears. Her eyes spin. She has an earless rabbit under her arm. I don’t recognise the dead, brown bushes behind her.
    â€˜Where are you?’ I ask.
    â€˜Wouldn’t you like to know?’
    â€˜How did you get my mum’s username?’
    She laughs like I’ve told the world’s funniest joke. Then she snarls, ‘Kiss me or the bunny gets it.’
    I stare into the frightened rabbit’s gold-foil eyes and I know that I must save it. That rabbit wants me to eat it, not Stella. My stomach groans with a deep chocolate hunger.
    â€˜My mum’s gonna be home any minute,’ I say.
    â€˜No, she’s not. You’re lying to me, Tom.’ She holds up the rabbit.
    â€˜No, I’m not!’
    â€˜Stella Wella doesn’t like her husband lying to her.’
    â€˜I’m not your –’
    Stella snaps off the rabbit’s head and bites off its nose.
    â€˜Hey!’ I scream.
    She ends the call.
    Seconds later, the lights go out.
    The TV and computer screens snap to black.
    The fridge rattles to an eerie silence.
    There’s a scraping sound on the kitchen window.
    Then a thump on the wall.
    And a knock at the back door.
    The lights flicker back on and then fall to black again. Terror rises in my chest and I feel the wax in my ears go all hot and runny.
    There’s a loud bang from the bathroom and I run down the hall. I put my ear to the door; I know she’s in there. I can picture hercreeping through the window. I have to stop her. It’ll be difficult because when Stella eats sugar she displays superhuman strength.
    Without another second’s thought and with no concern for my own personal safety, I fling