Nicotine Read Online Free PDF Page A

unh unh ee ah unh-ur unh.”
    â€œSlow down. I can’t tell what you’re saying.”
    â€œAnh uh eh ih ee. Ah ehr. Oh. Eh ee oh.”
    â€œAre you in pain?”
    â€œEh!”
    Penny marches to the nurses’ station, tears in her eyes. “My father’s still in pain,” she tells the nurse sitting there. “And now he can’t fucking talk .”
    â€œI’ll ask you to use civilized language,” the nurse says, looking up from her cell phone. “Terminal distress and agitation are normal. If he doesn’t fall asleep in a few minutes, I can send for the chaplain.”
    â€œHe’s upset because he’s in pain and they won’t give him any painkillers! All he got was a muscle relaxant!”
    A doctor sits filling out a form at a desk behind the nurse. He looks up and says, “I could ask him whether he’d like a sedative.”
    â€œThat’s an idea,” Penny says. “He told me once he used to take Valium on boat rides, after he was on this ferry on the Amazon that burned and he got this fear of ships. He said Valium set him right up!” She almost laughs herself at the ridiculousness of Norm’s phobia, so she is surprised when the doctor says something even sillier: that Valium could damage his liver.
    â€œDamage his liver ? Who cares ? He’s dying!”
    â€œIt could hasten death,” the doctor says. “We don’t assist anyone here to die more quickly. It’s God who decides how and when that will happen. We simply allow nature to take its course.”
    â€œWe didn’t come here to let God and nature decide. We can get them for free by walking out the door.”
    â€œWhat you need to understand is, your father is not dying. Not yet. His lungs sound normal. No crackles. His kidneys are functioning. He’s at a very early stage. But if he’s having more psychological distress than he can tolerate, I could consider starting him on twilight sedation. It’s state of the art in end-of-life care.”
    â€œFirst you have to get him off those muscle relaxants so he can communicate! He wasn’t distressed before, just in pain.”
    â€œI’ll go see him now, and I’ll ask him if he wants sedation, and we’ll think about alternatives. I promise.” The doctor gives Penny his hand. “You should go home and relax. Take a day off and get some rest.”
    â€œWhat if he dies today?”
    â€œNot a chance,” he assures her.
    FOUR DAYS PASS. PENNY SITS by Norm, giving him ice cubes to eat. He coughs. He runs the ice cubes around his mouth with his tongue, but he can’t swallow the liquid water. It runs into his beard, which is cut very short.
    â€œHe’s not thirsty anymore,” a nurse explains.
    â€œWah,” he protests.
    â€œHe’s asking for water,” Penny insists.
    â€œIt’s a habit,” the nurse explains again. “He’s on twilight sedation. He doesn’t know what he’s saying. He’s used to asking for water. It’s a habit like anything else.”
    â€œWah,” Norm says.
    â€œYOU CAN DO ORAL CARE yourself,” a friendly orderly tells Penny two days later. She shows her how to dip a rough rectangular sponge on a lollipop stick in water and offer it to him.
    Norm sucks it hard. His spit forms a sticky web around the green sponge. The inside of his mouth is yellow, crusted with dried snot. The orderly shows Penny how to swab his teeth and tongue gently so that the crust still obscures his soft palate completely, obstructing his windpipe.
    â€œCan’t you get that stuff out so he can breathe?” Penny asks.
    The orderly shakes her head. “It’s not our policy to perform suction. That would only prolong his life.”
    Penny runs a swab around the back of Norm’s throat and twirls it. The substance collects on the swab like cotton candy. She throws it away and tries another swab. A plate