of dried mucus flakes off his throat like a loose poker chip. She hauls it out with the swab. Nothing disgusts her. She is gentle and caring. He moans his word âWah.â The inside of his mouth is almost clean. It is red, gray, and gold. His golden molars shine. She feels a sense of achievement.
She wets a swab and inserts it in his mouth. His teeth clamp down on it and he sucks the water.
âItâs a reflex,â the orderly says.
After three more wet swabs, Penny marches down to the nursesâ station.
âIâm taking my dad home,â she says to the random doctor who is sitting behind the desk, doing paperwork. âI donât care if itâs against medical advice.â
âItâs normal for patients to say they want to go home,â she says. âItâs a universal metaphor for being at peace in Godâs love.â
âDo you even believe in God? You sound like the hospice manual.â
âI believe thereâs a higher power.â
A room door opens and a very old man with thick, strong limbs lurches into the hallway, wearing a hospital gown made of paper. He elbows the nurse who pursues him. Penny follows them as far as the glass double doors to the garden. The old man stands next to the birdbath, scanning the parking lot for his car, while the nurse remonstrates with him. He has no keys or clothes. The weather ischilly. A security guard brings a wheelchair, and three staff members accompany him back to his room.
Penny returns to the nursesâ station and says to the doctor, âIf there is a higher power, how come it lets people get as weak as my dad and leaves their capacity to feel pain?â
âIf he had pain, weâd know it.â
âThatâs not true,â Penny says. âHeâs a stoic.â
âWe donât know what heâs feeling,â the doctor says. âWhen people are very sick, their cognition is altered. We donât hasten the end of life. Every human being has a right to self-awareness, especially at the end, when weâre making our peace with God. You might want to talk with our chaplain.â
She turns away, defeated.
She goes out the front door and follows the concrete walk past the handicapped parking spots until she is off hospice property. She smokes a cigarette by the road. Butts line the gutter. A passing driver slows and raises his eyebrows. She turns back to face the hospice.
PENNYâS DISTRESS AND AGITATION ARE profound.
Norm built the world she once lived in, calling its entities into being word by word. But his word, which once was law, has surrendered to higher laws. He is so weak that a fly, landing on his nose, would be a higher law. He couldnât swat it away. He and Penny share a world not their own.
When his eyes seek hers, bright with the need to die and hopeful that she will help, she feels love, like a serrated knife, carving out her heart and giving it to her father.
FOUR DAYS LATER, AMALIA COMES to visit, bringing Normâs pet cat in a travel carrier.
The cat, a neutered male named Schubert, is small and blackwith orange eyes, very pretty. He presses his body against the back wall of the carrier. âLook who I brought!â Amalia says, swinging the carrier up onto the bed and knocking it against Normâs hip. âHeâs sleeping,â she whispers to Penny.
âHe could be awake. His eyes are stuck shut.â
Amalia leans closer and sees that Normâs upper and lower lashes are gummed together with dried mucus. âOh my god! I should have come earlier! I was just so busy.â She places the cat carrier on the floor at her feet and asks, âDid you talk to Patrick?â
âNo. Was I supposed to?â
âHe said he called you. He canât make it, but he knows Norm will understand. Heâs hanging a major show of photographs in Jakarta.â
Norm says, âWah.â
Amalia seizes both his hands in hers.
Christine Lynxwiler, Jan Reynolds, Sandy Gaskin