My Dating Disasters Diary Read Online Free PDF

smirking as I made for
the detention room at four o'clock. Not that I let this
bother me in the slightest, so standing on her foot as I
passed was completely accidental and my apology totally
sincere. Naturally.
MONDAY JANUARY 25TH
    Was gobsmacked to see Diane buy a Tampax from the
machine in the girls' toilets today.
    Her nickname is Dopey Di because she is so uncoordinated
she still has to wear Velcro trainers as she
can't tie her laces yet. Also her mum has to write L and R
in large felt-tip on the back of each hand every morning
so she knows left from right. One day her mum just put
the R on one hand, hoping that Diane would be able to
work things out, but she got lost on her way to school. Yet
she can obviously manage tampons.
    Right, if Dopey Di can do it, so can I. It will be so much
better for sports than wearing sanitary towels – and
probably better for the environment since they are
smaller. I draw the line at recycling sanitary towels.
TUESDAY JANUARY 26TH
    'Borrowed' a Tampax from Angela's underwear drawer
and went off to the toilet.
    After trying several contorted squatting positions and
becoming more familiar with certain bits of me than I
ever wanted to be, I eventually managed to be kind of
half successful (don't ask) with inserting the thing. Dad
chose this moment to start hammering on the bathroom
door for the third time.
    'For Christ's sake, Kelly Ann, what are you doing in
there? You've been at least half an hour. Open the bloody
door. I need in. Now.'
    I mean, what was I supposed to say? There should be
a law against asking what anyone is doing in a toilet.
Decided to give up on tampons. Especially as Liz
says Dopey Di is just pretending to use them and
she's seen her secretly dispose of used towels in the waste
bin.
WEDNESDAY JANUARY 27TH
    Went to the toilets at lunch time today. Shelly and her
coven were looking at something on the wall behind the
sink and cackling. When I came over to wash my hands
they pushed off pretty sharpish, still sniggering nastily.
    Someone, and I know who, had scrawled KELLYANN
IS GAY in red ink over the middle sink.
    So totally childish. There was no way I was going to let
Shelly's stupid actions bother me. Definitely not.
THURSDAY JANUARY 28TH
    Georgiana, otherwise known as George, who is an incredibly
butch built-like-a-tank lesbian, has invited me back
to her place to try out her new PlayStation game. Love the
game, but remembering that her console is in her bedroom
I politely declined.
    That's it. I'll have to get a boyfriend quick. Don't care
what he looks like as long as he's not female.

MONDAY FEBRUARY 1ST
    There was a disgusting smell in the corridor today, and
not just the bit outside the boys' toilets. Suspected it was
the work of that moron Terry Docherty, the carrot-haired
first year with sticky-out ears and buck teeth who was the
front half of my pantomime cow at Christmas. Nearly
every other week he lets off stink bombs somewhere
around the school, which he seems to find hilarious.
    Sure enough, spotted him giggling like a demented
hyena with his pals at the bottom of the stairs. Ignored
them, but one of his friends came up to me and said,
'Haw, Kelly Ann, ma pal Terry pure fancies ye, so he
does.'
    At the same time Terry looked over at me and grinned
like a corpse's skull.
    OK, last week when I said any boyfriend, I didn't
actually mean any boyfriend. Thinking about it, if there
was a nuclear holocaust and I had a choice between a
relationship with that obnoxious little gnome Terry or
Georgiana, then it would have to be Georgiana. Even if
the human race had to die out.
TUESDAY FEBRUARY 2ND
    Was relieved that the cleaners have managed to get rid of
the graffiti on the toilet walls, including the bit about me
being a lesbian, but the rumour that I'm gay still hasn't
died away and quite a few people have asked me to my
face if it's true. Even people I know quite well.
    That's it. I really will have to get a boyfriend.
    Liz said she'd help and invited me over to