My Dating Disasters Diary Read Online Free PDF Page A

normal
vision have so little taste? I'm talking about Angela as
much as her sad boyfriend.
    Having said all this, I did feel sorry for him when he
was invited to sit on one of the hard low chairs in
the living room, then immediately interrogated by all the
adults. Well, not all the adults. Dad just said, 'Hello, son,'
then went back to reading his paper, only glancing up
now and then to throw him a sympathetic look along
with a but-what-can-I-do? shrug.
    All the female adults surrounded Graham like
piranhas and quickly stripped him of every bit of
information about his life. From his job (assistant trainee
manager of a small supermarket about four miles away)
to the burial place of his great-granny (two plots down
from Great-aunt Winnie's second cousin's final resting
place).
    Fortunately for him, none of the information was
remotely interesting so people soon got fed up and left.
Within half an hour I was the only person left in the
house, not counting Angela and her dull new boyfriend.
Yeah, somehow my sister has managed to do the impossible
and find a boyfriend who's even more boring
than her. Honestly, he's about as exciting as a boiled rice
sandwich and I was dreading a night spent with the pair
of them.
    They had settled down on the living-room sofa and
had put on some insufferably tedious film when Chris
called me to say Rangers were playing Hearts tonight and
did I want to come over. Was reluctantly telling Chris I
couldn't as I'd been grounded when Angela interrupted
me: 'Oh, just go on over, Kelly Ann – there's no point in
you staying here tonight.'
    I gawped at her. 'But I'm grounded.'
    She flushed. 'Yes, well, erm, who's to know? I won't
tell. Rules are, well, erm, made to be broken sometimes.
Occasionally, anyway. Just this once.'
    Graham handed me a fiver. 'Here. Treat yourself to a
DVD or something.'
    I grabbed the money and left. Who said miracles never
happen?
THURSDAY JANUARY 14TH
    Back at school and actually quite pleased. It's pretty
boring during the day without your friends, and anyway,
Mum made me do all the housework.
    Told Liz about Angela and Graham's weirdly nice
behaviour last night, saying I couldn't understand what
had come over them – Angela bending rules and some
guy I'd never met before giving me a fiver.
    Liz said, 'Well, maybe they needed some privacy. You
know, for, erm, sex. They've been going out for a while
already.'
    'Don't be stupid. Angela would never have sex with
anyone. She's too neat and tidy. And someone like
Graham wouldn't want to do it either. He's just so
nerdish.'
    'Hmm, I don't know,' Liz continued. 'The sex drive is
very powerful, you know. It can make people do stuff
they usually wouldn't.'
    'Like what?'
    'Well, like taking off their clothes in front of other
people for a start. Or normally super-tidy people like
your sister doing things that might make a mess. Or her
boyfriend giving you a fiver even though he doesn't
know you.'
    I was sceptical. 'No, nothing is that powerful.'
    But Liz was adamant. 'Did you know that when a male
praying mantis has sex, the female sometimes bites off his
head and eats it? And, get this, he just goes right on doing
it.'
    'Jesus, without a head?'
    'Yeah,' Liz said. She dropped her voice to a whisper.
'He goes right on shagging. Headless.'
    'Bloody hell, that's keen.'
    Thought about it. If what Liz says is true and the sex
drive is that powerful, it might explain their weird
behaviour last night, I suppose. Maybe Angela and
Graham are having sex. Gross.
FRIDAY JANUARY 15TH
    Mr Smith has told me I've got detention for latecoming.
Apparently someone (and I can guess who) informed him
that I was not present at registration on Monday.
    Told him that I couldn't go to detention as I was
grounded but he wouldn't listen. Just said I'd to be there
or else.
    I suppose it hardly matters anyway whether I'm
imprisoned at school or under house arrest at home. And
this is supposed to be a free country. Yeah, right.
    Saw Shelly and her scavengers